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ONE FORTY-TWO, THE RE- 
FORMED MESSENGER BOY 


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One Forty-Two 

THE REFORMED 
MESSENGER BOY 


HENRY M. HYDE 



Herbert S. Stone and Company 
Eldridge Court, Chicago 
MDCCCCI 


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COFYRIGHT, I 9 OI, BY 
HERBERT S. STONE & CO 


TPE ! 'BRARY OF 

CONGRESS, 

Two Oopifcd R ECEIVED 

OCT. 28 1901 

CoP v RIGHT ENTRY 

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CLASS ^ XXc. NO. 

£-0 f%o 

COPY 3. 


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* "the Publishers wish to acknowledge the 
•courtesy of the '“'Chicago Tribune" in 
permitting the use of such of the follow- 
ing sketches as appeared in its columns. 


CONTENTS 

PACE 

The Episode of “De Jealous Daisy” . . i 

One Forty-Two’s “Nort’ Side Mash” . .15 

One Forty-Two Answers ‘‘De Dog Call” . 27 
How One Forty -Two Met “Diamond 

Annie” 39 

How T’ree Twenty-Seven’s Sister Kept a 

Date 53 

One Forty-Two as a Walking Delegate . 65 

The Wooing of “Ag” 77 

When T’ree Twenty-Seven Ate “De Date 

Note” 89 

One Forty-Two Tries the “Dope Book” . 99 

One Forty-Two and “Willy De Dip” . 113 
When One Forty-Two Played Cupid . . 127 
When One Forty-Two “Fell Down” . .141 
Four Eighteen’s Old Woman . .153 

One Forty-Two Goes to the Derby . .167 

One Forty-Two on Charity . . .181 

When One Forty-Two Played Burglar . 193 



* 


MESSENGER BOY 


THE EPISODE OF “DE JEAL- 
OUS DAISY” 

“De wise guy gits de coin. De dub 
gits de con. Dat’s all de dif. Jes’ de 
letter I.” 

After delivering himself of this gem 
of worldly wisdom One Forty-Two lit 
another “cig,” “made a hot touch” 
for the price of admission to the “ten- 
twent’-an’-thirt” appearance of the 
Genuine British Blondes, put his feet 
up on my desk and went on. 

“When me an’ T’ree Twenty-Seven 
was on de night push at I 6 offis we used 
to take turns keepin’ awake all night. 
Den when a call come in we’d rubber 
an’ if it sounded like dey was a piece 
of money in it we wouldn’t wake up 
de kid what was ‘next,’ but one of us 


2 


MESSENGER BOY 


would go out on de run. Me an’ Tree 
Twenty-Seven pulled off a lot of good 
t’ings dat way.” 

The Reformed Messenger Boy sighed 
the long sigh of pleasant memory ancl 
wagged his head from side to side. 

“Say, did I ever tell you about de 
time I played fly for de jealous daisy 
down on Gran’ bullyvard? She had 
her hammer out an’ was jes’ about 
ready to start a rough house wid de 
loved ones at home when I sat in de 
game. I spoilt a good graft for de 
divorce lawyers dat time an’ dat’s no 
lie. An’ I copped out fourteen big 
simoleons for myself. Dat made seven 
bones apiece for me an’ Tree Twenty- 
Seven. We always split our bundle 
two ways. 

“De call comes in one night about 9 
o’clock an’ I heard de manager say 
over de phome: ‘Yes’m, we can send 
you a bright boy what can do detective 
work, all right, all right.’ I made up 
my mind dat bright boy had to be me 


DE JEALOUS DAISY 3 


an’ I hit T’ree Twenty-Seven a kick in 
de slats to wake him up. 

“ ‘Two Fifty-Six,’ yells de manager 
an’ I steps out in de front offis. 

“ ‘I called Two Fifty-Six,’ says de 
manager. ‘I didn’t call you.’ 

“ ‘Two Fifty-Six has got a turrible 
pain in de nut,’ I says to de manager, 
‘an’ ain’t feelin’ well enough to go out 
on no long run to-night,’ I says. 

“An dat was no lie, for my podner, 
T’ree Twenty-Seven, had Two Fifty- 
Six down on de floor behind a bench in 
de waitin’ room an’ was chokin off his 
wind so he couldn’t let out a holler. 
When I goes out de front door wid de 
ticket he lets him up, but Two Fifty- 
Six knows better’ n to squeal on us. 
He’d a’ had me an’ T’ree Twenty- 
Seven bot’ after him den an’ we’d a’ 
drove him out of de biz. 

“De call I goes out on come from a 
swell shack on Gran’ bullyvard. I 
rings de bell an’ a peach comes to de 
door an’ lets me in. She takes me in 


4 


MESSENGER BOY 



“She takes me in de parler.” 


DE JEALOUS DAISY 5 


de parler, walkin’ on her toes like she 
has sneak shoes on an’ givin’ me de red- 
hot whisper. 

“ ‘Ps-s-s,’ she says. ‘Me husband’s 
upstairs,’ she says, ‘gettin’ ready to 
go out an’ call on another woman. It’s 
a sinche dat’s what he’s goin’ to do,’ 
she says. ‘I’m dead onto him. I want 
you to foller him,’ she says, ‘an keep 
close cases on him. Don’t let him 
lose your lamps for a minute,’ she 
says. ‘Den you chase yourself back 
here an’ put me wise,’ she says. ‘I’ll 
teach him — ,’ she. says an’ gets out her 
wipe ready to turn on her automatic 
sprinklers an’ flood de basement. 

“I hears de heavy villun walkin’ 
around up stairs an’ I’m afraid de jeal- 
ous daisy’ll get de willies and let out a 
yawp. I don’t want him makin’ a 
hurry-up run down stairs an’ mixin’ 
me up in a gun play so I gets a quick 
move on me. 

" ‘All right,’ I says to de daisy, 'I’ll 
go across de street an’ stand behind a 


6 


MESSENGER BOY 


tree till his Joblets comes out,* I says. 
Til foller him to de deat’, Lady,’ I 
says, seem’ dat she was turrible in 
earnest, ‘but I don’t know whether I 
got car fare enough wid me or not,’ I 
says. ‘Now if dis other daisy he’s 
goin’ to call on lives up at Waukegan 
or — ’ 

“ ‘Here’s two dollars,’ she says in a 
hurry, her lamps flashin’ fire. ‘I’m 
sorry dat is all I got in my purse,’ she 
says. ‘He’s so mean about money.’ 

“ ‘All right,’ I says, closin’ my 
hooks on dem two bones. ‘Now I’ll 
go across de street an’ wait. When he 
comes -out you foller right after him 
wid a white towel in yer right hand,’ I 
says, ‘so I’ll know it’s him,’ I says. 

“I done dat so’s she’d t’ink I was a 
regaler fly-cop an’ was wise to my job. 
I never seen a daisy yet dat didn’t like 
a guy to be turrible mysterious. 

‘‘I goes across de street an’ rubbers 
from behind a tree. Pretty soon His 
Nobs comes out an’ starts down de 


DE JEALOUS DAISY 7 


walk. De daisy was trailin’ him an’ 
wavin’ de towel like she was tryin’ to 
flag a freight. I was afraid dat he 
would get on an’ dat would have 
spoiled de game. So I shakes my fist 
at her, puts my fingers to my lips an’ 
jumps up in de air t’ree times, jes’ to 
show de daisy dat I knowed how to be 
mysterious. Finally she goes back in 
de house an’ I follers de guy down de 
street. 

“He was a good-lookin’ guy. 
Looked like he had a bundle of money 
an’ would loosen up if a kid give him 
de best of it. It was a cold night, any- 
how, an I wasn’t stuck on takin’ a long 
walk. Besides I might a’ broke up a 
happy home. I never could stand for 
dem jealous daisies, anyway. 

“When de guy gets over onto Cot- 
tage Grove I goes up an’ makes a spiel 
to him. 

“ ‘Say, Mister,’ I says, ‘I’m hired to 
keep cases on you an’ to put your wife 
wise to everyt’ing you do. I thought 


8 


MESSENGER BOY 


mebbe you wouldn’t go too far if you 
knowed dat I had to foller you around. 
I ain’t feelin’ strong to-night an’ don’t 
care about hot-footin’ very far.’ 

“De guy was game. He sized me up 
for a minute an’ he seen by my buttons 
an’ cap dat I was on de square. Den 
he says: 'Lemme see your ticket.’ De 
number of his house was wrote on it. 

“ ‘All right, my son,’ he says wid a 
grin. ‘Do jes’ as you were ordered. 
Foller me everywhere I go,’ he says, 
‘an’ be sure an’ git it all in. Don’t 
suppress nothin’ on my account,’ he 
says, handin’ me a roll of bills dat felt 
as big as a ellyphunt’s hind leg. ‘Put 
in everyt’ing you get your lamps on,’ 
he says. ‘Do your hull duty,’ he says. 
‘You might as well walk right along 
with me. You’ll see more dan if you 
stays across de street.’ 

“De guy an’ I walks along together 
an’ pretty soon we comes to a grocery 
store an’ de guy says: ‘We’ll go in 
here for a minute,’ he says. When we 


DE JEALOUS DAISY 9 

goes in I had a chance to count de bun- 
dle dat he handed me. It had jes’ 
seven aces in it. He must a’ had it 
all framed up for a touch, for it felt 
like it was seventy instead of seven. 

“ ‘My wife likes tea,’ de guy says to 
de grocery clerk, ‘an’ I wants to git 
some for her dat’s de best ever,’ he 
says. ‘Expense ain’t no object,’ he 
says, ‘when it comes to gettin’ what 
my wife wants. Did you git dat 
down,’ he says to me. ‘Don’t forgit 
to remember whatever you hear me 
say. I’m liable to make some bad 
breaks,’ he says, ‘an’ you must put ’em 
all down.’ 

“Den we goes out an’ walks along a 
couple of blocks till we comes to a mil- 
linery foundry. De guy braces in an’ 
makes a hot spiel to de ole dame. 

“ ‘My wife’s birt’day comes nex’ 
week,’ he says, ‘an’ I wants to git up a 
little su’prise for her. Can you make 
a head-piece for about twenty-five 
bucks,’ he says, ‘dat she can bring 


IO 


MESSENGER BOY 


back an’ trade for another if she don’t 
like it?’ 

“He puts down ten simoleons in ad- 
vance an’ tells de dame to send it 
around to de house on Saturday night. 
Den he braces into a saloon. I guess 
he t’ ought dat he was makin’ it too 
strong an’ de ole lady might tumble 
dat he was givin’ her de con-con. 
Dere was a lot of guys at de bar what 
my guy knows an’ dey say: ‘Where 
you been all evenin’, Bill? De game’s 
been runnin’ an hour already. Have a 
drink,’ dey says. 

“ ‘No,’ says my guy, ‘I ain’t drinkin’ 
a t’ing. I’m on de water wagon, I 
am. An’ I don’t approve of gamblin’ 
in no form. Don’t forgit dat,’ he says 
to me an’ de other guys give him de 
horse laugh. 

“ ‘Gimme a bottle of brown pop, 
Pete,’ he says to de bartender. ‘I’m 
goin’ home, now,’ he says, ‘to read out 
loud to my wife,’ he says. 

“I walked out of de saloon wid him 


DE JEALOUS DAISY n 



“ ‘I’m on de water wagon,’ my guy says. 


12 


MESSENGER BOY 


an’ he says: ‘Now, my son, I hope 
you’ll see dat everyt’ ing I’ve said an’ 
done to-night is fully reported to my 
wife. I’m goin’ to take de car for 
home now an’ you’d better ride along 
wid me. You got to keep cases on me 
from de time I left de house till I git 
back to my lovin’ wife,’ he says, ‘an I 
wouldn’t have you lie about it for de 
world,’ he says. 

“We gits on de el an’ rides down to 
de house. I seen him go in an’ shut 
de door. Den I pipes back to de offis. 

“ ‘Shall I go out an’ report to de 
lady?’ I says to de manager an’ he 
says: ‘No, write it out an’ put it in a 
envelope. I’ll send it to her in de 
mornin’.’’ 

“Dat made me sore, for I t’ ought de 
daisy ought to be good for a couple 
more bones when she hears how well I 
done my work. Anyhow T’ree Twenty- 
Seven an’ me gits busy an’ fixes up a 
peach of a report. We puts it all in 
about de tea an’ de bonnet an’ him bein’ 


DE JEALOUS DAISY 13 

on de water wagon an’ not spielin’ de 
paste-boards an’ T’ree Twenty-Seven 
writes it all out in purple ink, ’cause he’s 
stronger on de write dan I am. Den 
we leaves it wid de manager an’ screws 
home after splittin’ up de nine bucks, 
what de jealous daisy an’ His Joblets 
gimme. 

“When I gits down de next evenin’ 
de manager gimme a little pink note 
from de dame I done de detective work 
for. It was all smelt up wid violet 
water an’ it says she wants to see de 
bright boy what she had de night be- 
fore on a call. So I screws out to de 
house an’ de daisy meets me at de 
door. 

“ ‘I’m so glad to see you,’ she says, 
handin’ me a five, ‘an’ I want to thank 
you for what you have done for me. 
You’ve taken a great load off my 
mind,’ she says. ‘You have made me 
de happiest of women,’ she says. 
‘Never again will I doubt my husband,’ 
she says, ‘an’ I only wish dat I could 


i 4 MESSENGER BOY 


give you a hundurd bucks instead of 
five. You must leave me your ad* 
dress,’ she says, ‘an’ I’ll remember 
you when Christmas comes around.’ 

“Now, say,” concluded One Forty- 
Two, as if he realized that the ethics of 
his conduct were questionable, “ain’t 
dat better’ n rubberin’ around all night 
for a little ole dirty one dollar bill? I 
give both His Nobs and de jealous 
daisy de best of it. He ain’t goin’ to 
git gay right away again an’ she ain’t 
goin’ to sit up nights tryin’ to catch him 
makin’ goo-goo eyes at another piece 
of calico. Ain’t dat better’ n startin’ 
a divorce suit an’ breakin’ up a happy 
home? An’ me an’ T’ree Twenty- 
Seven had de fourteen simoleons to 
split between us.” 


ONE FORTY-TWO’S “NORT’ 
SIDE MASH” 

“Did you ever hear about my Nort’ 
side mash,” asked One Forty-Two with 
the look of a professional lady killer 
on his freckled little face. “She was 
a good thing, a peach wid de sunny 
side out. She had me daffy for six 
months. I was dead stuck on her an’ 
she made me cut out de cigs an’ go 
against de night school game all one 
winter. Den she up an’ marries a guy 
wid a big roll an’ gives me an’ de town 
de dirty shake. Dat’s de way wid all 
de daisies. 

“Her an’ me got next to each other 
on Christmas day. Every kid in I 6 
offis was on duty ’cause cherries is ripe 
at Christmas time an’ any dub can pick 
up a mittful of coin den widout graftin’ 
for it. Me an’ T’ree Twenty-Seven 
15 


16 MESSENGER BOY 


had been in trainin’ for a month. 
Dere was de Salvation Army dinner 
an’ de Waifs’ feed an’ t’ree other tur- 
key blowouts all cornin’ off on Christ- 
mas afternoon an’ we was goin’ against 
’em all. We had cut out de pie foun- 
dry for a week an’ was jes’ ready to go 
in de ring when dat call come in. 

“ ‘One Forty-Two,’ yells de manager 
out in de front offis. 

“One Forty-Two was me. T’ree 
Twenty-Seven goes out an’ makes a 
spiel for me. ‘One Forty-Two ain’t 
feelin’ well,’ he says, ‘an’ I’m doctorin’ 
him. He’s groanin’ tumble,’ he says. 

“ ‘Go-an,’ says de manager, ‘You 
kids must think I’m a soft mark,’ he 
says. ‘I wants One Forty-Two an’ I 
wants him quick, see?’ 

“I goes in an’ de manager hands me 
a charge ticket. ‘Dere,’ he says. ‘De 
daisy what telephomed says to send up 
de littlest kid in de bunch. You’re it. 
She’s got a t’ree hours run for you. I 
guess dat’ 11 hold you for a while,’ says 


NORT’ SIDE MASH 17 

de manager wid a sassy grin ’cause he 
knowed dat before I got back from dat 
charge run it’d be all off wid dem five 
turkey dinners. 

“Say, dat was a tough game I’m up 
against. Got to spend all Christmas 
afternoon on a charge run wid nothin’ 
doin’ in de turkey an’ plum puddin’ 
way an’ mebbe, if I have good luck, de 
price of a pack of cigs in it. Dat was 
enough to make any kid hand his great 
grandmother a kiss in de slats wid his 
foot. 

“I make T’ree Twenty-Seven prom- 
ise to cop off a few drumsticks an’ 
chunks of plum puddin’ for me an’ den 
I goes up on de Nort’ side on my run. 
De daisy herself opens de door an’ I 
knows it’s me to de mat as soon as I 
gits my lamps on her. Say, she was 
one of dem daisies what gits dere 
picters give away wid de Sunday sups. 
Her topknot was yellow — de real stuff 
an’ not de drug store kind — an’ her 
mug was like dose ladies what have 


18 MESSENGER BOY 


dere picters up in de cathedral. She 
had on blue glad rags an’ when she 
handed me a grin I felt like somebody 
had tipped me a five case note. 

“ ‘Merry Christmas,’ she says. 
‘Come in. Let me have yere ticket.’ 

“She takes it an’ writes on it: ‘To 
eat Christmas dinner wid Miss Gilling- 
ton.’ 

“I wonders whether I accidentally 
broke into a bug house an’ I’m lookin’ 
for a chance to sneak before de in- 
mates gits violent. Den de daisy says: 
‘I want you to eat Christmas dinner 
wid me. Of course I’ll pay you yere 
regaler fee,’ she says, ‘so you shan’t 
lose nothin’ at de offis.’ 

“I says I’ve got five dates to eat 
Christmas dinner down town but de 
daisy jes’ laughs an’ says: ‘I know you 
won’t force me to eat Christmas dinner 
all alone,’ she says. ‘Father an’ 
mother are in California,’ she says, ‘an’ 
brother Charley jes’ telephomed dat he 
won’t be home.’ 


NORT’ SIDE MASH 


*9 


“J es> den dere was a big Turk wid 
knee pants on comes in an’ ducks his 
nut an’ says: ‘Dinner is served.’ I 
seen dat same game over to de Olym- 
pic an’ I’m dead wise what it means. 
De daisy asks me what is my name an’ 
I says ‘I’m One Forty-Two,’ an’ she 
grins an’ says: ‘One Forty-Two, you 
can give me yere arm.’ Den I crooks 
my wing, like I seen ’em do over to de 
Olympic an’ we goes out to de manger. 
Say, I guess dere wasn’t nothin’ doin' 
out dere. De table looks like it was 
spread for a wake. Dere was a big 
gates ajar of red roses in de middle an' 
de candles burnin’ at both ends an’ sil- 
ver an’ shiny glass but no grub. I'm 
thinkin’ I’m up against a gold brick 
game when de big Turk in de knee 
pants hands me six in de half shell. I 
start to pry ’em loose wid my knife 
when I see de Turk give a snicker. 

“ ‘Say,’ I says to de daisy, ‘dat slob 
is tryin’ to guy me,’ I says, ‘an’ I 
won’t stand for it. It’s him an’ me to 


20 MESSENGER BOY 


de floor,’ I says, ‘if he bats his eye 
again.’ 

“De daisy says, ‘James, you may 
leave de room,’ an’ de big Turk makes 
a sneak. 

“Den me an’ de daisy goes against 
forty-six different kinds of grub. I 
ain’t wise to de layout so I takes t’ree 
helpin’s of turkey an’ stuffin’ an’ I’m 
groggy before we gits t’ rough de 
chicken salad an’ de Patsy D. Four- 
grass. Den de Turk comes back wid a 
big platter an’ I seen, jes’ as he gits in 
de door, dat it’s all afire. So I up an’ 
puts out de fire wid a glass of water an’ 
de Turk almost drops de platter an’ 
lets out a yell when de ice water hits 
him in de shirt. 

“But me an’ de daisy had de time of 
your life. She’s a good feller an’ by 
de time she says: “We’ll drink our 
coffee in de drawin’ room,’ her an’ me 
is ole pals an’ she’s got me faded. 
But it’s queer how little some of dese 
smooth daisies know. When she asked 


NORT’ SIDE MASH 21 


me how I took my coffee an’ I told her 
‘in de dark’ she gimme de wide eye an’ 
I had to put her wise dat I did’n want 



22 MESSENGER BOY 


none of de white stuff in it. Den she 
signs de charge ticket an’ hands me a 
five dollar shiner an’ says she hopes I 
had a pleasant Christmas an’ will I call 
again soon. 

“I puts de shiner in my face for fear 
I’ll lose it an’ screws down to de offis 
T’ree Twenty-Seven an’ de rest of de 
kids is waitin’ dere between de fourt’ 
an’ de fift’ dinner an’ T’ree Twenty- 
Seven has a wing bone for me an’ a 
piece of mince pie he cops at de waif’s 
dinner. But I gives de kids de merry 
ha-ha an’ says ‘No, I t’ank you. I 
been feedin’ my face wid de fairy 
queen. We was waited on by a Turk 
wid knee pants on an’ had forty-six 
different kinds of grub, wid a five spot 
for each of de guests,’ I says. ‘An’ I 
got a bid to go back any day an’ stay 
to dinner,’ I says. ‘Go-an, you cheap 
skates,’ I says, ‘an’ hit de free grub,’ I 
says, ‘you ain’t in my class.’ 

“I looks up my daisy in de blue book, 
what you got to own a swallytail coat 


NORT’ SIDE MASH 23 


to git yere name in, an’ I gits wise to 
de hull fambly. Dey is all t’oughbreds 
but dat Brother Charley. Dat was a 
queer deal how I gits next to him. 
Dere comes a call one night from a 
gamblin’ house over on Wabash an’ I 
goes out on de run. Dere was only 
t’ree in de game, two wise guys an’ a 
sucker. De sucker was Brother Charley. 
Charley had overplayed hisself, an’ 
was all in. De gams staked him on a 
marker an’ Charley had a note wrote to 
his sister, my daisy, asking her to 
come to de front wid a hundurd bucks. 
I know ’cause she told me. I sizes up 
de game an’ I gits wise to Charley bein’ 
a sucker up against a brace game, wid 
no more chance of winnin’ dan a car- 
ette horse in de Derby. But I takes de 
note an’ goes up to de daisy’s house. 
She opens it an’ den she says, ‘One 
Forty-Two, you an’ me is podners,’ she 
says. ‘Tell me what kind of trouble is 
dear Brother Charley up against,’ she 
says. 


24 MESSENGER BOY 


“ ‘Brother Charley is up against a 
brace game,’ I says, ‘an’ has dropped 
his wad,’ I says. ‘He thinks he’s a 
sport,’ I says, ‘when he ought to be 
home playin’ tiddle-de-winks wid his 
great-grandmother,’ I says. 

“ ‘He wants me to send him $100,’ 
says my daisy. ‘He says he needs it 
to git him out of trouble,’ she says. 

“ ‘Dat wouldn’t do him no good,’ I 
says. ‘You hold onto your dough. 
Dat hundurd’d only buy four stacks of 
blues,’ I says, ‘an’ dey’d be gone in 
half an hour. Lemme git busy on dis 
telephome an’ I’ll tie a can on dat 
cheap gamblin’ joint.’ 

“I calls up de saloon under de joint 
an’ gits Eddie Hagan, de boss gam on 
de wire. 

“ ‘Hello, Eddie,’ I says, ‘Is dat you?’ 

“ ‘Yes,’ he says, ‘who’s dat talkin’.’ 

“ ‘You know,’ I says, talkin’ in my 
stomach. ‘Anyway you can guess. 
I’m from de front offis an’ I want to 
give you a red hot tip. De ole man 


*F 



calls up de saloon under de joint.” 

25 


26 MESSENGER BOY 


has jes’ sent out a bunch of flies to 
make a grand stand play. Better cash 
in right away,’ I says, ‘for dey’ll be 
backin’ de wagon up in half an hour.’ 

“ ‘Tanks,’ he says, ‘for puttin’ me 
wise. Come over to-morrow an’ see 
me.’ 

“ ‘De game’s bust up,’ I says to de 
daisy. ‘Now I’ll go down town an’ 
make Brother Charley come home wid 
me,’ I says. 

“When I gits down town Brother 
Charley was hittin’ up de red liquor an’ 
it was easy to put him in a cab an’ 
chase him home. De daisy was settin’ 
up for us an’ she says to me, she says, 
‘One Forty-Two, we’ll make a man of 
him yet.’ 

“ ‘We’ll make a horrible bluff at it,’ 
I says, but I t’inks to myself dat we’re 
up against a pretty fierce proposition.’’ 


ONE FORTY-TWO ANSWERS 
“DE DOG CALL” 

‘‘When I was de boss of de kids down 
to I 6 offis,” said One Forty-Two, tak- 
ing a fresh chew of tobacco and put- 
ting his feet in my waste basket, ‘‘de 
hardest work we had to do was gettin’ 
out of answerin’ de dog call. 

‘‘De dog call come in every Friday 
mornin’ from a ole daisy what lived all 
alone in a swell flat buildin’ on de 
Nort’ side. De ole dame had a nasty 
little white poodle dog an’ every Fri- 
day she telephomed for a kid to come 
an’ give it a bath an’ take it for a walk. 
She run a bill wid de company an’ all 
her tickets was charge. She never let 
loose of a piece of coin an’ de only 
way for a kid to play even on de call 
was to save his car tickets an’ walk 
both ways. So all de wise guys in de 
27 


28 MESSENGER BOY 


offis what was lookin’ out for de dough 
used to sneak out of answerin’ it. Be- 
sides what kid likes to be washin’ a 
little woolly pup in smelly water an’ 
leadin’ it up an’ down de Lake Shore 
drive by a blue silk ribbon? 

“ ’Course I never answered de dog 
call. If me an’ Tree Twenty-Seven 
was in de offis when de dog call come 
in Friday mornin’ an’ either of us was 
‘Next’ we’d chase out one of de little 
kids an’ make him take it. 

“But one Friday de Main Cheese — 
dat’s de manager — he gits sore on me 
an’ when de dog call comes in he goes 
out in de waitin’ room where de kids is 
settin’ on de benches an he says: ‘One 
Forty-Two’ — dat’s me — ‘One Forty- 
Two, I want you to hustle up to de 
Nort’ side an’ answer dis dog call. Do 
you t’ink you ain’t got nothin’ to do 
but go out on de swell runs an’ play 
craps de rest of de time,’ he says. 
‘Now you chase yourself or I’ll tie a 
can to you’ — meanin’ dat he’d fire me. 


DE DOG CALL 


2 9 


“So I gits a move on me, makin’ up 
my mind dat de dog call daisy’ d never 
want me to bath her pup more’n once. 

“She come to de door herself an’ let 
me in. 

“ ‘Trilby isn’t feelin’ very well to- 
day, poor little dear,’ she says. ‘You 
must bath him gentle. Git de water 
nice an’ warm,’ she says, ‘an put in a 
little stinkalorum powder so it’ll smell 
nice an’ rub him off nice an’ dry wid 
dis soft towel,’ she says, ‘before you 
take him out for his walk. Better put 
on his pink blanket, so he won’t catch 
cold,’ she says. ‘Be sure you comb 
out his dear little silky curls,’ she says, 
‘an’ don’t pull his hair, the sweet little 
precious,’ she says. ‘What perfume do 
you want to-day, Trilby, dear,’ she 
says, ‘de vi’let water or de extract of 
new mowed hay,’ she says, rubbin’ her 
face against de pup. 

“Say dat game of talk made me feel 
like I had a cream-puff jag on. She 
had me groggy an’ I knowed dat if she 


30 MESSENGER BOY 


didn’t ring off I ’have to go to de mat 
an’ take de count. So I makes a quick 
brace. 

“ ‘I’m on,’ I says. ‘I’m wise to de 
hull graft. I know jes’ how to bath 
poodle dogs. You jes’ leave me an’ 
Trilby here in de bathroom an’ we 
won’t have a bit of trouble,’ I says. 
‘You better not stay in here because 
you might make Trilby nervous,’ I 
says. 

“ ‘All right,’ she says, ‘I’ll sit right 
here in de bedroom, where you can call 
me. Use dat moss-rose soap, ’cause 
Trilby likes dat odor.’ 

“Say, wasn’t dat a nice game for de 
boss kid in I 6 offis to be mixed up 
wid? An’ not a cent in sight. 

“I shuts de bathroom door an’ turns 
de key. Den I picks up a big heavy 
bath towel an’ soaps it up good in de 
middle. I takes de two ends in my 
mitts, making a basket out of it. I 
puts Trilby in de basket an’ twists de 
two ends around so dat de pup is tied 


DE DOG CALL 


3i 


up in a regaler bag. De bathtub is 
almost full of water an’, holdin’ de two 
ends in my hand I lets Trilby slosh 
down into it. He strangles an’ com- 
mences to howl an’ de ole daisy comes 
runnin’ to de bathroom door. 

“ ‘O, what’s de matter,’ she yells. ‘Is 
my dear little Trilby hurt,’ she yells. 
‘I wouldn’t have nothin’ happen to 
Trilby for a thousand dollars. Lemme 
in,’ she yells. 

“Say, dat gimme an idee. Dat put 
me wise in a minute. I remembered 
about dat kid out at Omaha dat got 
pinched an’ his old man put up 25,000 
bucks to find him. An’ I says to my- 
self: ‘Here’s your chance to git a piece 
of dough.’ So I drops Trilby under 
de water again so he couldn’t yelp an’ 
I says: ‘De soap got into Trilby’s eyes, 
I t’ink,’ I says, ‘but he’s all right now. 
We’ll be t’ rough in a minute,’ I says. 

“When I lifts Trilby out of de water 
he’s too near croaked to howl an’ I 
dries him off an’ combs him out fine. 


32 MESSENGER BOY 


Den I puts on his pink silk blanket, de 
ole daisy kisses him good-by an’ me 
an’ Trilby starts out for a walk. 



“O, what’s de matter,” she yells. 



DE DOG CALL 


33 


“Trilby’s so fat dat he can’t hardly 
waddle an’ he’s scart to deat’ of me. 
He looks at me out of de corner of his 
eye like he knows he’s up against de 
real t’ing. We spiels half way round 
de block to de alley an’ dere behind de 
flat buildin’ where de ole daisy lives 
stands an iron garbage box, half as 
big as a house, wid a swinging lid ten 
feet long. I lifts up de lid an’ sees 
dat de box is empty. So I drops 
Trilby in an’ reaches over an’ breaks 
off de blue ribbon close up to de collar. 

“Den I runs around to de front of de 
buildin’ an’ chases up de stairs to de 
ole dame’s flat so I’ll be out of breath 
an’ can make my spiel right. 

“She opens de door herself an’ I 
yells: ‘Trilby broke away from mean' 
run off,’ I yells. 

“ ‘Trilby,’ yells de ole daisy. ‘Run 
away! Lost!’ 

“ ‘Yes’m,’ I says. ‘He broke de 
ribbon,’ I says, showin’ her de little 
piece I had in my mitt! Den he tried 


34 


MESSENGER BOY 


to bite me an’ den he run away down 
de street and got such a hustle on him 
I couldn’t even keep him in sight.’ 

“De ole daisy give t’ree wild yells 
an’ drops down in a chair. 

“ ‘What’ll I do,’ she says, ‘what’ll I 
do? My darling little Trilby lost on de 
streets of Chicago,’ she says. ‘He’ll 
starve to deat’,’ she says, ‘an’ you are 
responsible for it, you devil,’ she says. 
‘I’ll call de police,’ she says. ‘I’ll 
shoot you! I’ll never sleep a wink till 
my dear little darling lost one is 
found,’ she says. ‘Oh, what’ll I do? 
What’ll I do?’ 

“ ‘I hope de dog catchers don’t git 
him,’ I says. ‘If dey do it’s all off,’ I 
says. ‘Dey’ll tie a brick to Trilby,’ I 
says, ‘an’ drop him in de drink an de 
next you hear of him,’ I says, ‘he’ll be 
stoppin’ up de intake pipe out to de 
four mile crib,’ I says. 

“I give her a strong game of talk so 
she’d loosen up when it come to 
offerin’ a reward. An’ she yelled an’ 


DE DOG CALL 


35 

hollered so dat I was afraid dat she’d 
go bughouse. 

“ ‘Call de police,’ I says, ‘an’ tell 
’em to keep dere lamps lit for Trilby; 
tell ’em dat Trilby’s not dangerous an’ 
dat you’ll pay $2 reward for him.’ 

“ ‘Two dollars!’ yells de ole daisy, 
‘I’d give ten dollars dis minute to 
have de dear, little sweet t’ing in my 
arms.’ 

“ ‘All right,’ I says, ‘telephome dat 
to de police. Den call up de afternoon 
papers an’ put in a ad: “Ten dollars 
reward an’ no questions asked; answers 
to de name of Trilby.’’ Den me an’ 
you’ll go out an’ look for him. I hope 
he ain’t went mad,’ I says, ‘an’ dat de 
Slum street gang ain’t got him,’ I says. 
‘Dey pours kerosene on de pups dey 
catches,’ I says, ‘an’ sets ’em on fire.* 

“De ole dame telephomes to de 
police an’ to de newspapers an’ den I 
knowed I had her by de pocketbook. 
Her an’ me goes out an’ looks for 
Trilby down by de lake shore for an 


36 MESSENGER BOY 


hour an’ den she went home an’ went 
to bed after telephoming for de doctor. 



‘“I hope he ain’t went mad,’ I says.’ 1 



DE DOG CALL 


37 


“I screws down to I 6 offis an’ puts 
Tree Twenty-Seven wise to de graft. 
He makes a quick sneak, puts on his 
plain clothes, digs Trilby out of the 
garbage box an’ takes him an’ de $10 
reward ad up to de ole daisy’s flat. 
As soon as she seen Trilby she tries to 
kiss him on de snout but Tree Twenty- 
Seven makes her cough up ten bucks 
before he lets go of de pup. 

“We splits de ten an’ de next day I 
gits de manager to call up de ole daisy 
an’ ask her did she git her dog back 
yit. 

“ ‘Yes,’ she says, ‘I did an’ I never 
wants you to send me dat boy again 
what was up here yesterday.’ 

“Dat’s de way I give de dog-call 
daisy de double cross an’ I think she 
had it cornin’. Pups is all right but 
when it comes to puttin’ new mowed 
hay in dere bath water, kissin’ ’em on 
de nose an’ feedin’ ’em on stewed 
cream puffs an’ fried lady fingers it’s 
time for somebody to call de wagon. 



HOW. ONE FORTY-TWO MET 
“DIAMOND ANNIE” 

“Dere never was a guy yet so smooth 
dat you couldn’t sell him a gold brick,” 
said One Forty-Two as he sat down on 
top of my desk, “if you went at it de 
right way. Some you catches one way 
an’ some another. Dere are a lot of 
guys out tryin’ to win a national bank 
on a shoe string an’ dey are easy. But 
de best way of all is wid a woman. 
Did I ever tell you about me an’ de 
Lute an’ Diamond Annie an’ de Hon- 
norable David Ward? 

“De Honnorable Dave is on de 
bench now an’ most people’d size him 
up for de smoothest guy what ever set 
in de game, but if hadn’t been for 
me an’ de Lute dat time Diamond 
Annie would a’ made good an’ he’d 
39 


4 o MESSENGER BOY 


been up against it good an' strong an’ 
plenty. It was like dis: 

“One day dere comes in a call from 
one of de swell hotels on de bullyvard. 
I goes down wid my mitt out for a 
piece of coin an’ His Nobs wid de 
sparkler in his front sends me up to de 
twelve floor. I knocks on de door 
an’ a daisy lets me in an’ says, ‘Set 
down, my boy.’ 

“I sets an’ pipes de daisy an’ de big 
guy what’s lyin’ on de couch by de 
window. I knows dat guy’s mug but I 
can’t git next to who it is. While I’m 
studyin’ what case it is he’s wanted 
for an’ tryin’ to remember whether 
dere is a reward out for him de daisy’s 
writin’ a note. Den she goes over an’ 
reads it' to him. 

“Say, I makes up my mind I seen 
dat guy’s mug in some of de pink 
sheets but I can’t remember where it 
is. He’s a great big swell-lookin’ guy 
wid a black mustash an’ a scar below 
de right ear. Den I gits wise to de 


DIAMOND ANNIE 


4i 


little finger on his right hand bein’ 
missin’. I pipes off de daisy too an’ I 
sizes her up for a warm baby. She’s 
got on t’ree different colors of glad 
rags an’ enough rocks on her mitts to 
start a stone quarry. She was a peachy 
lallycooler, all right, an’ I gits wise dat 
dose two has got a hen on. 

“ ‘Don’t be a dub, One Forty-Two,’ 
I says to myself. ‘Keep your lamps 
an’ your mitts open an’ you may run 
up against a good t’ing.’ 

“ ‘ . . . on legal business,’ de daisy 
was readin’ to de big guy, ‘at 2 o’clock 
dis afternoon.’ 

“ ‘Better make it half past one,’ says 
de big guy. ‘De banks close at t’ree 
o’clock an’ we wants to git de coin an’ 
make a sneak dis afternoon.’ 

“ ‘All right,’ she says, goin’ on read- 
in’, ‘at 1:30 o’clock dis afternoon. Your 
name was give to me as a first class 
law sharp by de firm of Brown & 
Blank, my Wall street agents,’ she 
reads. 


42 MESSENGER BOY 


“Dat was de kind of hot air she was 
throwin’ in her note an’ pretty soon she 
winds up an’ de big guy says, ‘Dat 
ought to git us to him, all right.’ Den 
she seals it up an’ calls me over. ‘De- 
liver this note to de Honnorable David 
Ward’s law office,’ she says, ‘an’ give 
it to de Honnorable Mr. Ward person- 
ally,’ she says. ‘Wait for de answer, 
boy,’ she says, ‘an’ hurry back wid it,’ 
she says, ‘an’ dere’ll be an extry quar- 
ter in it for you,’ she says. 

“I takes the note an’ goes out in de 
hall. Den I finds de bellhpp on twelve 
floor used to be on nights over at I 6 
offis an’ him an’ me was ole pals. 

“ ‘Hello, Eighty-Two,’ I says. ‘How 
long you been bellhoppin’? What 
kind of- a poultry show you got in here 
at 1213 room? I sizes ’em up for a 
couple of lame ducks.’ 

“ ‘Dere grafters, all right,’ says 
Eighty-Two, ‘but I ain’t jes’ wise to 
dere game. Every aft dere is a differ- 
ent guy comes up an’ goes into de 


DIAMOND ANNIE 43 


room. He never comes but de once 
an’ inside of a hour he’s out again 
lookin’ mighty glad to git away.’ 

“ ‘Say,’ I says, ‘Eighty-Two, ain’t 
dere another room openin’ into 1213?’ 

“ ‘Yes,’ he says, ‘dere is.’ 

“ ‘Well, you git de key to it from 
de chambermaid for dere is goin’ to 
be somethin’ doin’ dis afternoon, 
see?’ 

“Den I goes an’ delivers de daisy’s 
note to de Honnorable Dave Ward an’ 
sets down to wait for de answer. De 
Honnorable Dave was younger den 
dan he is now. Dere was another guy 
settin’ in his offis when I come in an’ 
he says, ‘Shame on you, Dave,’ he says, 
‘been married less’n a month an’ get- 
tin’ pink notes by messenger.’ Den de 
Honnorable Dave tears it open an’ 
reads it while I sits an’ looks at de 
picture on de desk. It was de mug of 
a young daisy what’d break yere 
heart. I sizes it up for de picture of 
de Honnorable Mrs. Dave Ward an’ I 



“Den I goes an’ delivers de daisy’s note.” 

44 




DIAMOND ANNIE 45 


wonders what kind of a con game we 
was all up against. 

“ ‘Pink notes, heh,’ says de Honnor- 
able Dave to de other guy when he 
finished readin’ de daisy’s note. ‘Dis 
is a business date. Listen: “Mrs. 
Gracia Litton Ford of 12,204 Fifth 
avenue, N. Y., presents her compli- 
ments to de Honnorable David Ward 
an’ would like to know if he can call at 
her apartments at de Boogum hotel at 
1:30 o’clock dis afternoon on legal 
business of importance. Dere are 
reasons which she will explain why 
Mrs. Ford cannot conveniently call at 
Mr. Ward’s offis. Mr. Ward’s name 
was given to Mrs. Ford by the firm of 
Brown & Blank, her Wall street agents, 
whose card she encloses. Will Mr. 
Ward kindly send answer by de boy?’’ 

“ ‘Dere,’ says de Honnorable Dave 
Ward, ‘dat don’t sound like no pink 
date note, does it? Dat jes’ shows de 
spreadin’ fame of Dave Ward as a out- 
a-sight law sharp. ’Course I’ll go 


46 MESSENGER BOY 


down an’ see de daisy,’ he says, ‘an’ if 
she’s pretty an’ in trouble, Jim,’ he 
says to de other guy, ‘mebbe I’ll take 
you down later.’ 

“Den he writes a note back to de 
daisy an’ I chases myself down wid it. 
De daisy on twelve floor opens de door 
herself an’ takes it in. ‘Say, kid,’ she 
says, ‘you’re slower dan a country 
sheriff,’ she says, ‘an’ dere ain’t no 
quarter in it for you, see?’ 

“Den she slams de door in my face. 
Dat makes me sore an’ I makes a 
quick sneak over to see my friend de 
Lute at de Central police station. I 
puts him wise to de two grafters an’ we 
looks over de mugs in de crooks’ pic- 
ture gallery. Pretty soon I catches de 
daisy’s mug. 

“ ‘Diamond Annie,’ says de Lute. 
‘I t’ ought she was in Frisco. She 
ought to have more sense than to try 
de panel game in dis man’s town.’ 

“Den we found de big guy’s mug 
an’ I told de Lute about de scar on 


DIAMOND ANNIE 4; 


his cheek an’ de little finger bein' 
missin’. 

‘Dat’s Pete Hargin,* says de Lute, 
‘an’ he’s de best in de biz. You an’ 
me had better hustle over to the hotel 
an’ see what’s doin’.’ 

“We chases over an’ de bellhop lets 
us into de room what opens into 1213. 
It’s pretty near 1:30 o’clock an’ in a 
minute along comes Dave Ward an’ 
knocks at de door. I gets my peeper 
on de keyhole an’ I sees de daisy in a 
long blue silk Mother Hubbard, wid 
pink ribbons, open de door an’ let 
him in. De big guy is out a’ sight; 
Dave Ward comes in, makes a bow an’ 
sits down an’ de daisy draws a little 
chair close up to him. 

“ ‘Mr. Ward,’ says de daisy, ‘I am 
in great trouble an’ I want your ad- 
vice,’ she says. My husband is wildly 
jealous of me an’ threatens to kill me. 
He has shot at me several times an’ I 
am scart to deat’ whenever he is 
around. He follows me everywhere 


48 MESSENGER BOY 


an’ I had great trouble in gettin’ away 
from him in New York. I must git a 
divorce from him,’ she says, ‘an’ I 
have come to Chicago to git it,’ she 
says. 

“Jess’ den dere comes a turrible 
poundin’ on de door of 1213 an’ den it 
flies open an’ in runs de big guy. 
When de daisy sees him she gives a 
yell an’ runs over an’ throws herself 
into de Honnorable Dave Ward’s lap, 
throwin’ her arms around his neck an’ 
yellin’: ‘Save me! Protect me!’ 

“De big guy was jes’ pink an’ red 
an’ purple in de face. He was wavin’ 
a big gun an’ cussin’ like a switch 
engine. 

“Dave Ward tries to git up but de 
daisy puts de strangle hold on him an’ 
grabs de back of de chair wid her mitts 
so he can’t break way, kissin’ him all 
de time an’ hollerin’: ‘Save me! Per- 
tect me, dearest.’ 

“ 'So woman,’ says de big guy, 
turnin’ on de trembles in his voice an’ 


DIAMOND ANNIE 49 


lockin’ de door of 1213, ‘I have caught 
you at last. I will kill you bot’,’ he 
yells. 

“Den he waves de big gun an’ de 
Honnorable Dave Ward makes another 
try at breakin’ loose from de daisy. 
But she puts de double Nelson an’ de 
hammerlock on him an’ keeps holdin’ 
him down to de chair an’ kissin’ him so 
he can’t talk or holler for help. 

“ ‘You, a newly-married man,’ says 
de big guy to Ward. ‘I’ll publish your 
shame to de world,’ he says. ‘Den I’ll 
blow your nut off,’ he says. 

“ ‘Listen,’ says Ward, ‘you can’t 
work dis game on me.’ 

“ ‘I shall scream,’ says de daisy, ‘if 
you don’t save me an’ pertect me.’ 

“ ‘How much do you devils want,’ 
says Ward finally. 

“ ‘Not for less dan a thousand dol- 
lars,’ says de big guy, ‘would I — ’ 

“Jes’ den me an’ de Lute shoves 
open de door leadin’ into 1213. 

“ ‘Hello, Annie’, says de Lute to de 


50 MESSENGER BOY 


daisy, who gits up quick off Wards’s 
lap when she seen de bull an’ sits down 
on de floor. ‘Hello, Annie. How’s 
tricks?’ says de Lute, ‘An’ you’re 
lookin’ well, too, Pete. I t’ink,’ says 
de Lute, ‘dat you both need a change 
of air. Have you got coin enough to 
make good for de room?’ 

“ ‘Yes,’ says de big guy, ‘I’ll ring 
for de bill.’ 

“ ‘Dere’s a train east at 5 o’clock,’ 
says de Lute. ‘You take it. If I 
catch you in Chi again in a year I’ll 
plant you both, see?’ 

“ ‘Lootenant,’ says de Honnorable 
Dave Ward, ‘I want to thank you — ’ 

“ ‘Don’t thank me,’ says de Lute! 
‘Thank de kid. If it ha^’nt been for 
him you’d been out about a thousand 
plunks right dis minute.’ 

“An’ de daisy in de blue Mother 
Hubbard leaned over an’ whispered to 
me: ‘You little devil,’ she says, ‘I’d 
like to wring your neck,’ she says. 

“But me an’ de Lute don’t pay no 



5i 


52 MESSENGER BOY 


attention to dat sort of t’ing. Besides 
she ought to have paid me dat quarter 
like she promised.” 


HOW TREE TWENTY -SEVEN’S 
SISTER KEPT A DATE. 


“T’ree Twenty-Seven had a big sister 
what was a peach,” said One Forty- 
Two. “She had a job punchin’ de keys 
in a lawyer’s offis in de Masonic an’ 
every guy what got his lamps on her 
got stuck to deat’. Her name was Mag 
an’ she was de limit when it comes to 
looks. Her hair was de color of de 
dandelion flower a’ she had all de drug 
store blondes backed off de boards. 
Her lamps was blue an’ when she put 
on her glad rags an’ come sailin’ down 
Halsted on a Sunday aft dere wasn’t 
nothin’ else to it. An’ Mag was a real 
lady, Mag was. Me an’ T’ree Twenty- 
Seven makes it up dat any guy what 
tries to git gay wid Mag gits a cork- 
screw punch in de slats. 

‘‘A’ course Mag has a lot of guys 
53 


54 MESSENGER BOY 


sendin’ her mash notes an* tryin’ to 
make dates wid her. But she’s a wise 
daisy, Mag is, an’ she gives ’em all de 
merry laugh an’ sticks to Terry Owen 
for her steady. Terry’s a copper an’ 
he’s travelin’ beat over on de West 
Side, but de alderman says he’ll go to 
de front for him an’ git him a job flyin’ 
out of Central. Den Terry an’ Mag 
makes it up dey’ll git hitched up dou- 
ble an’ go down to Niagry on dere 
weddin’ trip. De alderman says dat 
he’ll fix de tickets for ’em. 

“One aft dere comes in a call from 
an offis across de street from de 
Masonic an’ de manager sends me oven 
I goes up an’ when I gits in I sees I 
been dere before. Dere’s a big slob 
wid a black mustash in de offis an’ 
he’s always sendin’ us kids out wid 
mash notes. When he sees me he 
says, ‘Hello, kid,’ he says. ‘I got a 
good job for you dis afternoon,’ he 
says, ‘an’ dere is a silver case in it for 
you if you do it right,’ he says, grin- 


KEPT A DATE 


55 


nin’. ‘I’m glad dey sent you over,’ he 
says, ‘cause I know you’re a smooth 
kid,’ he says. 

“Den he takes me to de window an’ 
points across de street to de Masonic. 

“ ‘See dat yellow-haird daisy dere in 
de window,’ he says, pointin’ over to 
where Mag was sittin’. ‘I wants to 
make a date wid her, see? I wants her 
to meet dis evenin’ at 8 at de corner of 
Halsted an’ Madison an’ I’ll take her 
out for a little dinner,’ says de big guy. 
‘I don’t know her name,” he says, 
‘but I’m stuck on her,’ he says, ‘an if 
you’re smooth enough to fix up a date 
for me,’ he says, ‘I’ll make it wort’ 
your while,’ he says. 

“ ‘How much is dere in it,’ I says, 
’cause I makes up my mind right away 
to learn dat guy not to monkey wid 
none of mine or T’ree Twenty-Seven’s 
relations. 

“ ‘I’ll give you two bucks if you 
make de date,’ he says. 

“ ‘Make it t’ree, ’I says. 


5 6 MESSENGER BOY 


“An’ de big guy laughs an’ says, 
‘we’ll fix dat all right,’ he says, ‘when 
you git de date made.’ 

“I goes across de street an’ shoots up 
to de offis where Mag punches de keys. 

“ ‘Hello, One Forty-Two, says Mag. 
‘How’s tricks an’ where is T’ree 
Twenty-Seven dis afternoon,’ she says. 

“I put Mag wise to de big guy sittin’ 
in de window across de street pullin’ 
his black mustash an’ she gives him a 
flash an’ den comes back in de offis. 

“ ‘Dat guy has been tryin’ to mash 
me for a mont’,’ Mag says. ‘He’s 
always makin’ goo-goo eyes at me 
across the street an’ he’s spoke to me 
on de street t’ree or four times. I’ve 
always give him de icy front,’ she says, 
‘but he don’t seem to take a tumble to 
himself. He keeps on waitin’ for me 
when I comes down from de offis at 
night an’ de other day he come into 
de offis when de boss was out feedin’ 
his face an’ tried to git gay wid me. 
I’d tell Terry about him only I don’t 


KEPT A DATE 


57 


want Terry to git into any trouble. If 
T’ree Twenty-Seven was big enough I’d 
tell him,’ she says. 

“Den I tells Mag how dat slob wants 
to make a date wid her for to take her 
out to a little dinner dat night an’ I 
says for her to leave it to me an’ T’ree 
Twenty-Seven an* we’d make de big 
guy wish he’d fell in de river before de 
drainage canal was turned in. An’ she 
says go ahead. Dat she was tired of 
bein’ bothered by him an’ mebbe it’d 
do him good to have a few hot ones 
handed to him. 

“ ‘All right, Mag,’ I says. ‘You go 
on down to de corner of Halsted an’ 
Madison dis evenin’ an’ dere’ll be 
plenty doin’.’ 

“I was wise dat de big guy was mar- 
ried an’ dat if it got in de papers dat 
he was out tryin’ to mash daisies on the 
street his wife would give him de shake 
an* he’d lose de good job he’s got as 
Chicago manager of a New York com- 
pany. 


58 MESSENGER BOY 


“So I goes back over to de dub’s 
offis an’ I tells him dat Mag is stuck 
on his mustash an’ she’ll be waitin’ 
for him at 8 dat evenin’. Dat she’s 
been stuck on him for a long time an’ 
has been wonderin’ why he didn’t git 
up his nerve an’ take her out some eve. 
De dub grins an’ hands me free bucks 
an’ says I’m a wise kid. Den I touches 
him for two more, makin’ it even 
money, ’cause I knowed dat it’d be de 
last chance I’d have to git a piece of 
his dough. An’ he coughs up ’cause 
he’s so stuck on himself after what I 
says about Mag bein’ daffy on his whis- 
kers. 

“I cops his coin an’ screws back to 
I 6 offis an’ puts T’ree Twenty-Seven 
wise to de game. Den we hunts up 
Terry Owens. 

“ ’It’s like dis, Terry,’ says T’ree 
Twenty-Seven, 'I’m her brudder an’ 
it’s up to me to hand dat fat slop a few 
hot punches. You can come along, 
Terry,’ he says, ‘an’ if I can’t give him 


KEPT A DATE 


59 


all dat’s comin to him you can cut in 
an’ help me out.’ 

“ Til be dere,’ say’s Terry, 'if I lose 
my star for it, an’ when we all git 
t’ rough wid him dat guy’ll have to be 
introduced to de loved ones at home. 
I expect de Lute’ll break me for 
beatin’ him up,’ he says, ‘but I’m not 
carin’ an’ I’ll do my best to make dat 
guy sorry he ever batted a eye at my 
Mag.’ 

“I don’t want to see Terry lose his 
star so I goes over an’ puts Terry’s 
Lute wise to what’s doin’. De Lute 
laughs an’ says, ‘You tell Terry dat it’s 
contrary to de rules an’ regalations for 
a policeman to beat up anybody an’ 
dat if he gits a good openin’ an’ has 
any wind left I wisht he’d swat de 
masher a extry belt for me.’ 

“When 8 o’clock struck dat evenin’ 
Mag come sailin’ down Halsted an’ de 
big guy he’s standin’ on de corner, wid 
me an’ T’ree Twenty-Seven an’ Terry, 
in citizens’ clothes, standin’ inside de 


6o 


MESSENGER BOY 



“Terry taps him on de back.” 


KEPT A DATE 


6 1 


doorway where he can’t see us. He 
steps up an’ speaks to Mag an’ jes’ den 
Terry taps him on de back an’ says: 
‘You go on home, Mag. We’ll attend 
to dis guy.’ 

“Terry has a big gun in his mitt an’ 
he pokes it up under de masher’s black 
mustash an’ he says: ‘Come along wid 
us. We want to see you a minute.’ 

“We leads de guy down de alley to 
Hogans’ barn an’ takes him in dere. 

“ ‘Take off your silk hat,’ says Terry 
to de big guy, ‘an’ your Princy-de- 
Albert coat an’ vest,’ he says, ‘an’ put 
your hands together ’till I put de brace- 
lets on you,’ he says. ‘I’m a police- 
man,’ says Terry, ‘an’ my number is 
32325, if you want to know an’ I’m en- 
gaged to de young lady what you’ve 
been gettin’ gay wid. An’ dis young 
man, here,’ he says, introducin’ T’ree 
Twenty-Seven, ‘is her brother.’ 

“ ‘An’ I’m de kid what you sent over 
across de street wid de mash note,’ I 
says, ‘an’ I kept dat note an’ I got two 


62 MESSENGER BOY 


newspaper reporters waitin’ for to write 
a piece about you in de papers,’ I says. 



“What we did to dat guy was a plenty.” 


KEPT A DATE 


63 


“ ‘As Mag’s brudder,’ says T’ree 
Twenty-Seven, ‘I’ll hand you a few wid 
dis horsewhip,’ he says, ‘an’ when I git 
tired, Terry’ll git busy,’ he says. ‘If 
you should yell,’ he says, ‘One Forty- 
Two’ 11 put dis corn cob in your mouth,’ 
he says, ‘an’ dere ain’t no tellin’ but 
what Terry’s gun’d go off.’ 

“What we did to dat guy was good 
an’ strong an’ plenty. He stood de 
gaff all right an’ never let out a peep. 
Den we turned him loose. An’ jes’ 
before he goes I say to him, ‘I wish I’d 
struck you for ten bones for makin’ dis 
date for you,’ I says. ‘If it learns you 
to be careful what daisies you try to 
git gay wid it’ll be wort’ twice dat 
money to you.’ ’’ 













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ONE FORTY-TWO AS A WALK- 
ING DELEGATE. 


“It was late one Saturday night an’ 
dere wasn’t a t’ing doin’. Me an' 
T’ree Twenty-Seven had been across de 
street to de pie foundry four times 
after sinkers an’ two in de dark,’’ said 
One Forty - Two. “T’ree Twenty- 
Seven had cleaned up de hull gang wid 
de bones an’ One Eighteen was tellin’ 
how he dreampt de turkey row t’ree 
nights runnin* an’ was goin’ to play 
eight cents in both drawin’s on Mon- 
day. It was slower dan Sout’ Water 
street on a Sunday. 

“Most Saturday nights den was all 
right, all right. Almost always dey 
was somethin’ doin’ down to Harrison 
street station on a Saturday to give 
de kids a chance to work a strong 
graft. De way it was was like dis: 

65 


66 MESSENGER BOY 


“De big guy wid de gold star’d 
come into de front offis on a Saturday 
night an’ start a game of talk wid de 
Lord High Chief Justice of de Peace. 

“ ‘I got to buy a grand pianny for 
de loved ones at home,’ one of ’em 
says, ‘an’ I needs t’ree hundurd bones.’ 

“ ‘I could use a few bucks in my biz, 
too,’ says de other. 

“ ‘Besides I think it’s time de vicious 
an’ depraved charackters on de levee 
realizes dat we’re goin’ to put a stop to 
de reign of crime an’ de carnival of 
vice now prevailin’ in dis district,’ says 
de Gold Star. 

“ ‘No matter if we has to touch ’em 
up every Saturday night,’ says de 
High-Mucky-Muck. 

“‘I’ll have 250 of de depraved an’ 
debased pinched,’ says de Gold Star, 
‘an’ dat ought to be wort’ two hundurd 
bucks apiece to us,’ he says, ‘if Ike, de 
bailer, splits his money t’ree ways.’ 

“Den dey’d git some jay wid a 
bunch of spinach on his chin to make a 


WALKING DELEGATE 67 


holler an* dey’d send out about two 
dozen bulls to make what de papers 
next mornin’d call ‘A Raid on de 
Levee,’ ‘Police Determined to Cleanse 
de Plague Spot.’ 

“When dey gits de cells all full de 
‘Sarge’ telephonies over to I 6 offis an’ 
two of us kids goes down. All de 
strong arms an’ daisies in de clink 
wants to send for de alderman or de 
saloonkeeper to git ’em out an’ a wise 
kid could git from a quarter to a imita- 
tion diamond earring out of every one 
of ’em. I’ve got as much as ten bones 
out of a raid lots of times. 

“But dis Saturday night dere wasn’t 
a t’ing doin’. Me an’ T’ree Twenty- 
Seven was jes givin’ a new kid de 
T’ irty-second degree when de tele- 
phome bell rings an’ we pipes off de 
manager. 

“ ‘Cedarhurst Villa Golf Club,’ he 
says. ‘Yes, sir,' he says. ‘Six boys 
all day to-morrow,’ he says, ‘to caddy. 
Yes, sir. Eight-ten train in de mornin’.’ 


68 MESSENGER BOY 


‘Do you want big boys?’ he says. ‘Jes’ 
asdeyrun.’ ‘Yes, sir. All right, sir. 
I’ll pick out boys what knows some- 
thin’ about it. Yes, sir.’ 

“ ‘Does any of you kids know any- 
thing about golf,’ says de manager, 
puttin’ his head in de back room. 

“I’m wise dat he never heard of it 
before, hisself, so I makes a bluff. 

“ ‘Yes, sir,’ I says. ‘Me an’ T’ree 
Twenty-Seven plays it on our night off 
over to T’ree Twenty-Seven’s barn,’ I 
says. ‘It’s a kind of a cross between 
Seven-up an’ Shinny on Your Own 
Side,’ I says. 

“ ‘Do you know how to caddy,’ he 
says. 

“ ‘Yes, sir,’ I says. ‘Dat’s where 
you takes a base when your podner 
renigs an’ muffs de ball,’ I says, ‘an’ 
de score is love all.’ 

“ ‘All right,’ says de manager, ‘you 
an’ T’ree Twenty-seven an’ de next 
four kids go on home now an’ take de 
8: io train on de Northwestern out to de 


WALKING DELEGATE 69 


Cedarhurst Villa Golf Club to-morrow 
mornin’, he says. ‘Dey want you dere 
all day,’ he says. 

“So us kids all goes out in de alley 
an’ I says: ‘Kids, we got to git wise to 
what we’re goin’ up against,’ I says. 
‘Let’s go see Rafferty.’ 

“Everybody knows de only Rafferty. 
He’s de great referee. He refereed de 
big fight between de ‘Buffalo Kid’ and 
de ‘Denver Bum’ last mont’ an’ when 
he ain’t refereein’ he tends bar over to 
Hogan’s joint. Him an’ me is ole 
pals an’ I leads de kids into Hogan’s 
an’ says: ‘Mike, what’s de game of 
golf,’ I says. 

“ ‘It ain’t no game,’ says Rafferty, 
settin’ up de brown pop to de gang. 
It’s a fashnubble disease like appendi- 
citus,’ he says. ‘When you git golf,* 
he says, ‘you break out in red spots all 
over de body,’ he says. ‘Den you 
take his rubber ball away from your 
little brudder an’ take it out in de back 
yard an’ count ‘One, two, t’ree, four.’ 


70 MESSENGER BOY 



WALKING DELEGATE 71 


‘Den you swat de ball wid a shinny 
stick an’ it goes flying over in Mur- 
phy’s potato patch. If Murphy’s goat 
don’t eat de ball you chase your little 
brudder over to git it an’ den you swat 
it again,’ he says. 

“ ‘What’s a caddy, Mike, 5 I says. 

“ ‘You remimber,’ says Mike, ‘whin 
your old man used to go huntin’ robin 
redbreasts an’ McGuire’s tame pigeons 
on de prairie lot sout’ of de dump,’ he 
says, ‘he took along wid him de ole 
setter dog for to chase after de birds 
an’ bring ’em back in his mout’ after 
de’re shot,’ he says. Dat’s de caddy’s 
job an’ den, out in de country, where 
de swell guys plays, de caddie carries 
a sack on his back wid de axe an’ 
de crowbar an’ all de other tools in 
it.’ 

“It was 2 o’clock in de mornin’ by 
dis time an’ us kids makes up our mind 
it wouldn’t pay to go home, so we 
hustles down to de end of de govern- 
ment pier for to do a little fishin’ an’ 


72 MESSENGER BOY 


git a dip in de drink. On de corner of 
de alley next to Hogan’s dere was a 
dago sleeper an’ we swipes half a bunch 
of banans an’ a orange apiece for 
breakfast. 

"De manager gives us de coin for 
carfare de night before but we gits on 
de train widout buyin’ tickets an’ when 
de con comes along T’ree Twenty- 
Seven does his cry baby act. T’ree 
Twenty-Seven is a little kid wid yellow 
hair an’ blue lamps an’ when de con 
asks for de papes he starts snivellin 
an’ cryin’. 

" ‘I had de coin for us six kids to 
go out to de Cedarhurst Golf Club/ he 
says, ‘an’ I lost it. We got to git out 
dere someway,’ he says, ‘or I’ll lose my 
job an’ my father’ll lick me.’ 

"Den he starts to snivelin’ out loud 
again an’, jes’ to make de play 
stronger, I hits him a swipe in de jaw 
an’ he lets out a howl. 

‘‘A ole daisy what’s sittin’ across de 
aisle gits up den an’ says, ‘Shame on 


WALKING DELEGATE 73 


you’ to me an* asks T’ree Twenty- 
Seven what’s de matter wid him. 

“He’s playin’ de cry baby act to de 
limit an’ pretty soon de ole daisy 
loosens up an’ says, to de con, ‘Here, 
I’ll pay de fare for dese children.’ 

“Dat puts us kids sixty cents apiece 
ahead of de game an’ so we goes back 
to de smoker an’ blows ourself for a 
pack of cigs. 

“When we gits off at de Cedarhurst 
Villa Station dere is a bunch of bare- 
footed kids standin’ on de platform. I 
says to one of ’em: ‘Hey, kid, where’s 
de Cedarhurst Villa Golf Club?’ ‘Dat’s 
for me to know an’ you to find out,’ he 
says, an’ him an’ me goes to de dirt an’ 
mixes it up. When I lets him up he 
says dat him an’ de other kids is de 
caddies out to de golf club but dat dey 
all got fired ’cause day pinched too 
many golf balls. 

“When I hears dat I says to T’ree 
Twenty-Seven: ‘Dese guys brung us 
out here to rat de jobs of dese kids,’ I 


74 MESSENGER BOY 

says. ‘Dey got fired,’ I says, ‘for 
workin* dere regaler graft too strong. 
But us kids ain’t no scabs,’ I says. 
‘What you kids want to do,’ I says, to 
de barefooted gang, ‘is to organize a 
union,’ I says. ‘Did you all git fired,’ 
I says. ‘No,’ says de kid I licked, 
‘Tommy Edwards didn’t, ’cause he 
never pinched no balls an’ stands in 
wid de green keeper,’ he says. ‘I’ll 
fix him,’ I says, ‘but first you must 
organize de union,’ I says, .‘an’ den 
we’ll go an’ see de Main Guy out to de 
Golf Club.’ 

“De kids organized de Caddies’ 
Union, No. i, an’ dey elected me dere 
walkin’ delegate. First I licks Tommy 
Edwards an’ chases him home. Den I 
goes out to de club house an’ tells His 
Joblots dat us kids from I 6 offis don’t 
scab nobody’s jobs an’ if dey want cad- 
dies dey got to deal wid an’ recornize 
de union, I says. An’ dey had to give in. 
An’ I tole dose regaler kids dey mustn’t 
make dere work so coarse after dis,” 


WALKING DELEGATE 75 



“First I licks Tommy Edwards an’ chases him 
home. ” 














1 













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• • 










































THE WOOING OF “AG.” 


“Dere ain’t no tellin’ about a daisy,’" 
said One Forty-Two. “A guy gits 
stuck on a piece of calico an’ keeps 
himself broke buyin’ her sourballs an’ 
chewin’ taffy. He calls her his steady 
an’ is t’ inkin’ about goin’ across de 
lake to St. Joe de first Sunday he can 
raise de price of two excursion tickets. 
He keeps his lamps lit for de ‘Light 
Housekeepin’ ’ signs an’ reads all de 
‘We furnish your house’ ads in de Sun- 
day papers. Den, when de guy is jes’ 
about gone bughouse de daisy ties a 
can to him an’ makes a sneak across de 
lake wid some guy what’s got a stronger 
graft. An’ dere you are.” 

Under the softening influence of the 
spring sunshine One Forty-Two was 
becoming sadly sentimental. His 
77 


78 MESSENGER BOY 


errant fancy was turning softly to 
thoughts of love. Unfortunately, his 
acquaintance with literature is slight, 
else he might have quoted with much 
intensity of feeling: “ ’Tis better to 
have loved and lost than never to have 
loved at all.” 

“Dere was Ag. Ag was my sugar 
lady. She was a lemon cooky, a straw- 
berry tart, a fried egg wid de sunny 
side up. Did I ever tell you how I 
happened to git next to Ag? 

“De call all de kids hates de worst 
is when some ole daisy telephomes in 
an’ wants a kid to come an’ take her 
little brats home from down town or to 
de t’eatre or to walk in de park. Dere 
ain’t no kid likes to walk around wipin 
a brat’s nose an’ pattin’ it on de back 
when it howls. Down at I 6 offis we 
always makes de little kids go out on 
dem nurse-girl calls. Besides dere 
ain’t more’n a nickle or a dime in it 
unless a kid gits wise like T’ree 
Twenty-Seven did once. He had a job 


WOOING OF “AG” 


79 


to take two little kids to de grand opry 
matinees all one seaon an’ de ole daisy 
gives him de coin for de t’ree seats 
every day dere was a mat. T’ree 
Twenty-Seven makes it up wid de two 
kids an’ dey all goes over to de Olympic 
at twent’ a throw instead of to de opry 
at t’ree bones, so T’ree Twenty-Seven 
puts himself eight forty to de good 
every aft de dagos are spielin’ at de 
Aujitorium. An’ de two little brats 
likes de show better’ n de opry an’ so 
does T’ree Twenty-Seven, so what’s de 
dif? 

“One time de manager of I 6 offis gits 
sore on me an’ when one of dem nurse- 
girl calls comes in he sings out, ‘One 
Forty-Two,’ an’ chases me over to one 
of de big State street stores to answer 
it. I’m sore enough to kick my mother 
in de slats an’ I’m bettin’ de brat I 
takes home won’t want to come down 
town again for a mont’. De ole daisy 
an’ de brat is waitin’ for me over in de 
store. It was one of dem long-haired 


8o MESSENGER BOY 


brats, named Harold, wid yellow curls 
an’ a black velvet collar. 

“ ‘Boy,’ says de ole daisy to me, 
‘little Harold is fatigued,’ she says, 
‘an’ I want him took home. I must go 
to de club meetin’ at free o’clock,’ she 
says, ‘an dis is de nurse’s afternoon 
out. You take him home,’ she says, 
‘an’ play wid him till de nurse comes. 
Here’s your carfare,’ she says, handin’ 
me a carette check. ‘You needn’t pay 
for little Harold. If Harold sees me 
goin’ he’ll cry,’ she says, ‘so I’ll disap- 
pear an’ den you can start. Be kind an’ 
gentle wid Harold,’ she says, ‘an’ I’ 11 call 
you again when I needs a boy,’ she says. 

“I’m bettin’ she won’t never git an- 
other chance to make a monkey a’ me, 
but dat was before I seen A g. 

“ ‘All right,’ I says, ‘I’ll take care 
of Harold an’ git him home all right. 
But don’t you t’ink we’d better go 
home on de State street car,’ I says, 
‘finkin’ mebbe she’d loosen up for 
about a dime for carfare. 


WOOING OF “AG” 


8 


“ ‘No,’ she says. ‘Take de carette. 
Harold’s a nervous child an’ de car- 
ette’s soothin’,’ she says. 

“Den de ole daisy makes a duck 
when de brat isn’t lookin’ an’ drops 
down de elevator. In a minute Harold 
misses his mother an’ sets up a yell. 

“ ‘Where’s my mummaw,’ he yelps. 

“ ‘I picks him up an’ shuts off his 
wind an’ says, ‘You little devil, if you 
don’t 'close your yawp I’ll wring your 
neck,’ I says. ‘Den when I lets go 
little Harold bites me in de mitt ’till 
de blood comes an’ I asks de floor 
walkin’ guy where de retirin’ room is, 
so’s I can fix my little brother. I takes 
Harold in dere an’ hands him a few hot 
ones where dey’ 11 do de most good. By 
dat time Harold has got over bein’ 
nervous an’ we goes out an’ gits a seat 
wid de driver of de carette. 

“De ole daisy lives in a swell house 
on La Salle an’ dere ain’t nobody home 
but de coachman, who comes around 
from de barn an’ lets us in. 


82 MESSENGER BOY 


“ ‘Harold,’ I says, after we was in 
an’ de big Turk has screwed back to de 



“I picks him up an’ shuts off his wind.” 


WOOING OF “AG” 


83 


barn, ‘you look hungry,’ I says. ‘I 
t’ink you need somethin’ good to eat,’ 
I says. ‘Do you know where de cream 
puffs an’ sinkers is hid?’ 

“Harold is wise to de place where 
dey keeps de grub an’ him an’ me goes 
out an’ gits busy. Harold has both 
mitts in de sugar bowl an’ I’m doin’ 
business wid a jell cake when de door 
opens an’ in walks a red-headed daisy 
wid a green waist on an’ enough glad 
rags to make de Lake Shore drive look 
like a bargain counter. Dat was A g. 

“ ‘Porch climbers,’ she says, givin’ a 
little yell. 

“ ‘I ain’t,’ I says. ‘I’m One Forty- 
Two an’ I’m tendin’ dis brat while 
you’re out burnin’ up de Nort’ side. 
I was sore on de job,’ I says, ‘till you 
come in, but now I hopes dat de ole 
daisy’s club’ll never let out,’ I says. 

“ ‘Hush,’ says Ag, de peach, ‘me 
name is Agatha an’ I’m de lady what’s 
takin’ care of Harold. Stop eatin’ dat 
jell cake, you pig, you,’ she says. 


84 MESSENGER BOY 


“ ‘All right, Ag,’ I says. ‘You’re 
sweeter dan any jell what ever come 
down de pike,’ I says. ‘You take care 
of Harold an’ I’ll take" care of you.’ ” 

One Forty-Two sighed a sadly remi- 
niscent and tender sigh. 

“Dat was de way it commenced,” he 
went on at last. ‘‘Ag an’ me was bot’ 
broke all summer keepin’ dates. When 
Ag had sixty cents she’d telephome 
down to I 6 offis: ‘One Forty-Two is 
wanted up to Four T’ousand an’ Forty 
La Salle for a hour,’ she’d say, an’ I’d 
git a hustle up an’ meet her in de park. 
We’d tie Harold to a tree wid a short 
rope an’ sit on de sea wall an’ watch de 
waves an’ talk about de time when me 
an’ Ag’d go across dere to St. Joe. 
Den Ag’d give me her sixty cents an’ 
I’d go back an’ turn it in to de offis. 
An’ when I got hold of a piece of coin 
I’d give Ag de tip on de telephome an’ 
she’d call up an’ ask for One Forty- 
Two to be sent out right away. Once I 
was out when she called an’ de man- 


V k * 


85 


WOOING OF “AG” 

t 





“I’d met her in de park. 


86 MESSENGER BOY 


ager sent another kid up to de house. 
A g meets him at de door an’ gives him 
de icy mitt, sayin’: Dere must be 
some mistake. Dat dey didn’t want no 
boy, but if dey did dey couldn’t use 
nobody but One Forty-Two. 

“ ‘An’ yet,’ said One Forty-Two, with 
another sigh, ‘dat same daisy goes 
across de lake one Sunday wid the kid 
what delivers groceries to de ole 
daisy’s house on La Salle an’ goes 
against one of dem job-lot, marked- 
down preachers at St. Joe. 

“Next day she calls me up on de 
telephome an’ says: ‘One Forty-Two, 
all is over between us, she says. 

“ ‘What’s de matter, Ag,’ I says. 

“ ‘I am de wife of annuder,’ she 
says. 

“Have you went an’ give me de 
double cross, Ag,’ I says. ‘Me, what’s 
been your steady all summer at sixty 
cents a hour,’ I says. 

“ ‘It was such a bargain, One Forty- 
Two,’ she says. ‘Dere was a marriage 


WOOING OF “AG” 87 


license wort’ one fifty give away wid 
each excursion ticket,’ she says, ‘an’ 
de ceremony was marked down to two 
bucks,’ she says, ‘or t’ree for five,’ she 
says, ‘an’ I couldn’t resist it,’ she says. 
‘It was such a bargain. I shall never 
* forgit you, One Forty-Two,’ she says. 
“An’ dat was de last I ever seen of 

Ag.” 














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* 


I 






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V 
























WHEN TREE TWENTY-SEVEN 
ATE “DE DATE NOTE.” 

“T’ree Twenty-Seven was de cham- 
peen date maker down to I 6 offis,” said 
One Forty-Two, one evening when we 
had been talking about a recent sensa- 
tional divorce suit. “All de smooth 
guys in town knowed dat T’ree Twenty- 
Seven was de wisest kid in de bunch 
an’ when dey wanted to make a date 
wid a daisy dey always sent for him. 
T’ree Twenty-Seven was a little kid 
wid a mug on him like he jes’ come 
home from Sunday school, bjat he was 
next to all de funny plays in de biz. 
No matter what come along de pike 
T’ree Twenty-Seven never got rattled. 
He was always Johnny-on-the-spot an’ 
dere wasn’t nobody could t’row de con 
like he could. If T’ree Twenty- 
Seven’ d cough up all he knows dere 
89 


9 o MESSENGER BOY 


would be a lot of dust kicked up by 
people gettin’ out of town. But Tree 
Twenty-Seven won’t cough up. Dat’s 
what made him so strong wid de 
smooth guys. 

“One day T’ree Twenty-Seven gets a 
call to de ofifis of a big guy over on La 
Salle. 

De guy is married an’ he’s old 
enough to know better. But he gits 
stuck on a drug store canary bird 
what’s spielin’ at one of de t’eatres an’ 
he wants to send her a date note. De 
guy has blowed off de birdie to a sup- 
per once or twice before an’ his wife 
gits de green eye. So she hires a 
couple of private flies to shadow him so 
she can put de judge wise an’ cop off 
her fifty per, alimony. De flies is 
layin’ out in de hall an’ dey pipes off 
his Joblots when he writes de date 
note an’ gives it to T’ree Twenty- 
Seven. 

“T’ree Twenty-Seven goes out on de 
run an’ de flies follows him. It’s in 


DE DATE NOTE 


9i 


de winter time, late in de aft an’ it’s 
gettin dark on de street. T’ree 
Twenty-Seven ain’t wise to de flies an* 
he gits a swift move on him over to de 
t’eatre. He ducks down de alley to 
git to de stage door ’cause de daisy 
she’s spielin’ at a mat dat aft. Den de 
flies makes a run for T’ree Twenty- 
Seven an’ he sees ’em jes’ in time to 
stuff de date note an’ ticket in his face. 
Dey grabs T’ree Twenty-Seven by the 
legs an’ arms an’ one of ’em shuts off 
his wind so he can’t make a holler. 
He ain’t got no show to break away 
from t’ree of dem big flies an' dey 
carries him into de back room of a 
saloon. 

“De flies lays T’ree Twenty-Seven 
on a table an’ goes t’rough all his 
clothes lookin’ for de date note, but 
dey can’t find it. Den dey says: ‘Kid, 
where’s dat note. If you don’t dig up 
we’ll hit you a swift punch in de kisser, 
see?’ ‘I ain’t got no date note,’ says 
T’ree Twenty-Seven, givin’ de flies de 


92 MESSENGER BOY 



DE DATE NOTE 


93 


merry ha-ha. 'You wise guys are on a 
dead one,’ he says. 

‘De little cuss must have throwed 
it away,’ says one of the flies, an’ two 
of ’em goes out wid dere glims lookin’ 
for de note in de alley. Dey comes 
back without findin’ it an’ den deys 
goes t’ rough T’ree Twenty-Seven again 
but dey can’t even find de ticket. 
Finally dey lets him go an’ he makes a 
quick sneak back to de offls of His 
Nobs on La Salle. 

“ ‘Say,’ says T’ree Twenty-Seven, 
‘t’ree bulls caught me in de alley back 
of de t’eatre an’ tries to take dat date 
note away from me.’ 

“ ‘Did dey git it?’ says de big guy, 
gettin’ white in de chops. 

“ ‘Dey couldn’t find it,’ says T’ree 
Twenty-Seven, grinnin’. 

“ ‘Did you t’row it away in de alley?’ 
asks de big guy. 

“ ! Naw, I didn’t t’row it away,’ says 
T’ree Twenty-Seven. 

“ ‘Gimme it den,’ says de big guy. 


94 MESSENGER BOY 


“ ‘I can't,” says T’ree Twenty-Seven. 

“ ‘Where is it den? What’d you do 
wid it?' 

“ ‘I et it,' says T’ree Twenty-Seven, 
‘an’ I et de ticket, too. It didn’t taste 
good an’ I hopes dat you didn’t use 
dat vi’let ink what’s poison,’ says T’ree 
Twenty-Seven. 

“Den de big guy laughs an’ hands 
T’ree Twenty-Seven a ten-case note, 
an’ says: ‘My boy, you’re all right. 
Who do you t’ink dose guys was dat 
pinched you in de alley?’ 

“ ‘Dey was fly bobs,’ says T’ree 
Twenty-Seven, ‘what was lookin’ for 
evidence to git a divorce on.’ 

“ ‘Divorce,’ says de big guy, lookin’ 
like somebody hit him wid a brick. 

“ ‘Sure,’ says T’ree Twenty-Seven. 
‘Dat’s de regaler game.’ 

“ ‘What do you t’ink I'd better do?’ 
says de big guy. 

“ ‘If I was a big guy like you,’ says 
T’ree Twenty-Seven, ‘I’d git wise to 
myself an’ try to stay on de square. 


DE DATE NOTE 


95 



“ ‘Divorce,’ says de big guy.” 



96 MESSENGER BOY 


I’d take a tumble to myself, dat’s what 
I’d do. Dose guys what tries to git 
gay wid actresses always gits it in de 
Adam's apple/ he says ‘Dere’s 
nothin' to it, see?’ 

“ ‘But what’ll I do to square myself?’ 
says de big guy. 

“ ‘Dat’s easy, says T’ree Twenty- 
Seven. ‘Sit down an’ write a date note 
to your wife,’ he says, ‘an’ say you got 
two tickets for de t’eatre where dat 
daisy is spielin’ for to-night an dat you 
want her to be ready to go sure. I’ll 
take dat note up to de house but first 
I’ll chase over to de t’eatre an’ buy de 
tickets. Dat’ 11 fool de flies an’ muss 
up de hull deck so dey won’t anybody 
know what’s trumps,’ he says 

“ ‘I’ll try dat, says de big guy, ‘an’ 
if it works my boy I’ll stay on de 
square after dis ’ he says. ‘What’s yer 
name?’ 

“T’ree Twenty-Seven gives de big 
guy his handle an’ he writes it down in 
a little book. Den T’ree Twenty- 


DE DATE NOTE 


97 


Seven makes his run an de big guy’s 
wife is so tickled when she reads de 
date note dat she gives T’ree Twenty- 
Seven a quarter an’ sends him back wid 
a answer to her husband’s offis. 

“Finally T’ree Twenty-Seven gits 
back to I 6 offis. He splits up de ten 
bucks wid me an’ de two of us goes 
across de street to de pie foundry an’ 
goes against sinkers an’ two in de dark. 

“De next week de big guy comes 
into I 6 offis an’ makes a spiel to de 
manager. He says he needs a boy in 
his offis an’ he would like to hire T’ree 
Twenty-Seven for de job. 

“ ‘He’d have to start in on a low 
salary,’ says de big guy, ‘but dere is a 
good show for a smart kid,’ he says, 
‘an’ I t’ink dat kid’s got good stuff in 
him.’ 

“So T’ree Twenty-Seven quits de 
biz an’ goes over in dat offis on La 
Salle. Dat was four years ago. I seen 
him de other day an’ he was wearin’ a 
silk dicer an’ a rock in his shirt front. 


98 MESSENGER BOY 


“ ‘Hello, dere, Tree Twenty-Seven,’ 
I says. ‘How’s tricks?’ 

“ ‘All right,’ says Tree Twenty- 
Seven, givin’ me a shake of de mitt. 

“ ‘How are you an’ de rest of de 
kids? Come in an’ have a cigar.’ 

“We goes in an’ Tree Twenty-Seven 
blows me off to a two for a quarter an’ 
we sit down an’ talk about de time we 
was both down to I 6 offis. Tree 
Twenty-Seven’s still on de square. He 
wears de same size hat he used to wear 
an’ he ain’t never give none of de ole 
gang de dirty shake. He’s de big 
guy’s private seketary now an’ he 
draws two thousand a year. Some day 
he’ll be livin’ on de Lake Shore drive. 
But he’s a good fellow, jes’ de same an’ 
he says he made his fortune de time he 
et dat date note.’’ 


ONE FORTY-TWO TRIES THE 
“DOPE BOOK.” 

“ ‘Be on de square an’ you can’t 
lose. Play it free ways, straight, place 
an’ show, an’ before de meetin’s over 
you’ll break de bookies. Dat’s de 
dope on bein’ a millyunair.’ 

“Dat was de red hot tip an’ ole guy 
wid white chinchillas an’ glass lamps 
give me one night when I was chasin’ 
de can across de street,’’ said One 
Forty-Two. “He catches me by de 
arm, an’ calls me ‘My son,’ an’ a lot 
of other pet names. I thought at first 
he was tryin’ to panhandle my can but 
when I looks at him again I gits wise. 
He was a nice pink ole guy wid little 
curly white lambrequins an’ a new silk 
dice box on his nut. 

“ ‘If you are out after de coin,’ he 
says, ‘be on de square. Honesty,’ he 


100 MESSENGER BOY 


says, ‘is de best policy.’ ‘Do you 
draw twice a day in your policy game?’ 
I says. ‘Poor little man,’ he says, an’ 
slips me a quarter. ‘Here’s a picture 
book for you.’ 

“Dat was de dope book for bein’ a 
millyunair what he gives me. It was 
all about how to train de colts an’ to 
keep cigs an’ plug-chewin’ away from 
’em an’ tellin’ de truth an’ not givin' 
anybody de con-con. 

“Winning His Way, or From Train 
Butcher to Railroad President,’’ was 
de name of it. It had picters in it of 
de hero in his six-year-old form an’ all 
de way along ’till he was carryin’ 
weight for age. An’ he was always 
makin’ a killin’ wid big odds against 
him an’ winnin’ in a walk. 

“I studies dat book an’ I says to my- 
self: ‘De other kids are goin’ by what 
de cheap touts an’ railbirds tells ’em. 
I got de real thing here an’ I’ll go by 
de dope an’ win out.’ 

“I gives dat dope a fair trial an’ 


THE DOPE BOOK ioi 


now I wants to know is it any good? 
It was like dis: 

“About a month after I gits de dope 
book I goes on nights at I 6 offis. De 
other kids don’t know what’s de matter 
wid me. 

“ ‘Are you sick, One Forty -Two,’ 
T’ree Twenty-Seven says to me one 
day. ‘You’ve cut out de cigs,’ he 
says, ‘an’ eatin’ tobacco an’ you won’t 
roll de bones,’ he says. ‘Or have you 
joined de Young Ladies’ Pertective 
Association,’ he says. 

‘ ‘I’m in trainin’ for a stake race, 
T’ree Twenty-Seven,’ I says, ‘an’ if 
you git gay wid me I’ 11 hit you a biff in 
de kisser dat’ll spoil your face,’ I says. 

“Jes’ den de manager hollers ‘Next’ 
an’ T’ree Twenty-Seven goes out in de 
front offis. Den he hollers ‘One Forty- 
Two’ an’ finally de manager gits ten of 
de kids lined up before his desk. 

“Dere was a hot election cornin’ off 
de next day an’ in one of de wards 
dere was t’ree candidates for alderman. 


102 MESSENGER BOY 


One of ’em was a ole guy what had 
been graftin’ around de City Hall since 
before de big fire. Another was a stool 
pigeon for de wise guy an’ de t’ird was 
a young guy wid a big bundle of 
money. De young guy was a hustler. 
He’d cut up a big wad of dough an’ he 
had de ole geezer scart to deat’. He 
was cornin’ down de pike so fast dat 
you couldn’t see him for de dust. Now 
he was goin’ to play his high trump an’ 
round up all de voters in de ward. 

“De young guy goes an’ gits a lot of 
letters printed on telegraft blanks. 

“ ‘Go to de polls to-morrow an’ vote 
for John G. Jones, Jr., de people’s 
choice for alderman,’ is de way de 
letter reads. Dey was folded up an’ 
put in yellow telegraft envelopes an’ 
one of ’em was addressed in ink to 
every voter in de ward. Us kids was 
sent out to deliver ’em. We was to 
ring de door bell an’ hand in de letter 
like it was a regaler telegraft, gettin’ 
somebody to sign for each one. 


THE DOPE BOOK 103 


“Each of us kids gits a sackful of de 
bogus telegrafts an’ starts out together 
to deliver ’em. Two blocks from de 
offis we all goes down a alley an’ T’ree 
Twenty-Seven says, ‘Kids, what’s de 
use of us wastin’ time peddlin’ dese bum 
telegrafts? I’d rather see Alderman 
McGraft elected anyhow. It’d be bad 
for de ward if dis Jones guy gits in. 
Let’s go to de show,’ he says. 

“All de kids was in on dat play but 
me. I was goin ’by de dope book an’ I 
says: ‘Not for me,’ I says. ‘You kids 
go ahead an’ make your play,' I says, 
‘but count me out,’ I says. 

“ ‘What’s de matter wid you, One 
Forty-Two,’ says T ree Twenty-seven. 
‘Are you goin’ bug house? Billy de 
Biffer, de feather weight champeen of 
Michigan is on to-night.’ 

“Dat’s all right,’ I says. ‘I don’t 
care what de gang does, but I’m more’n 
seven an’ I don’t need you to learn me 
my biz,’ I says. ‘I ain’t goin’ to de 
show.’ 


io 4 MESSENGER BOY 


“ ‘Huh/ says Tree Twenty-Seven to 
de other kids, ‘One Forty-Two has 
turned into a gussy. He's goin’ home 
to put on his pink sash an' git his hair 
curled an’ den he's goin' back to de 
offis to give de gang de double cross.' 

“Den I forgits all about de dope 
book an’ swings on Tree Twenty-Seven 
an’ we goes to de dirt. Before I lets 
him up I puts de crape on his left lamp 
an’ he takes it back dat I’m a gussy. 
Den I starts out to peddle de telegrafts. 
De other kids takes a census of dere 
coin an’ finds dey are eleven cents shy 
of de ninety dey needs to git into de 
show. Tree Twenty-Seven has a bag 
half full of old paper back to de offis 
an’ he screws back an’ gits it. Dey all 
dumps in dere telegrafts an’ sells de 
hull bunch to Probotsky, de rag man, 
for sixteen cents. Dey buys a pack of 
cigs wid de extry nickel an’ all goes to 
de show. 

“While dey are watchin’ ‘Billy de 
Biffer’ swat de heavy villun an’ listen- 


THE DOPE BOOK 105 


ing to the drug store blonde sing 
“Gimme a Kiss for Your Mother” I’m 
chasin’ myself all around de ward de- 
liverin’ de messages. De first place I 
stops at de daisy what come to de door 
takes de message an’ looks at it. Den 
she says, ‘O, who’s dead now I wonder,’ 
an’ starts callin’ for Sally. 

“ ‘Sally,’ she yells, ‘here’s a tele- 
graft. I know somethin’ has happened 
to dear father. He knows how scart I 
am to git a telegraft an’ he wouldn’t 
send me one if it wasn’t serious,’ she 
says. 

“All de while she’s twistin’ de tele- 
graft in her mitts, bein’ afraid to open 
it. Jes’ den Sally comes in. She 
grabs de telegraft an’ tears it open. 
Den she gives a yell an’ starts for 
me. 

“ ‘Git out of here, you nasty little 
thing,’ she yells, ‘cornin’ around at dis 
hour of de night to scare lone women 
to deat’,’ she says. ‘I’ll scald you,’ 
she yells, ‘wid bilin’ water.’ 


io6 MESSENGER BOY 


“I gits a swift move on me, won- 
derin’ what’s de matter wid de dope 
an’ goes on to a big flat bildin’. It 
was about io o’clock an’ I knows dat 
‘Billy de Biffer’ was jes’ puttin’ de 
whole army of supes to sleep wid cork- 
screws an’ upper cuts. I goes upstairs 
an’ rings de bell an’, after a while, a 
big guy wid a red top knot an’ lambre- 
quins gits up out of bed an’ comes to 
de door in his night shirt. I hears him 
stub his toe in de dark hall an’ what he 
says den makes me git ready for a 
quick sneak. 

“ ‘Ah,’ he says, when he opens de 
door, ‘a telegraft at last. I been ex- 
pectin’ it for a week,’ he says. ‘If it 
reads right, my boy,’ he says, ‘I’ll hand 
you a dollar,’ he says. 

“Den I says to myself, ‘Mebbe dat 
dope is workin’ ’ an’ I waits while he 
tears it open. He reads it over. Den 
he looks at me. Den he reads it over 
again. Den he highsts his hoof an’ 
hits me a swift kick an’ I goes down 


THE DOPE BOOK 107 



‘He hits me a swift kick.” 


io8 MESSENGER BOY 


two flights of stairs wid my head 
chasin’ my heels. De only lucky thing 
about it was dat de guy was barefooted. 
When I gits up at de bottom of de 
stairs I was all over sore an’ black an’ 
blue an’ I’m thinkin’ dat dope book is 
on de bum. But I says to myself, ‘I’ll 
play it to a finish. I’ll give de system 
a fair show.’ 

“When I gits through peddlin de 
telegrafts I’m feelin’ like I been 
t’rough a thrash machine or a First 
Ward convention. I had two dogs set 
on me an’ got pretty near pinched by a 
copper. Most of de time I’ve been up 
in de air, only hittin’ de ground be- 
tween kicks. 

“All dis time de other kids is havin’ 
a good time at de show. Dey gits 
t’rough jes’ about when I did an’ de 
gang starts back to de offis to turn in 
de books what dey filled out demselves. 
On de way dey strikes a sleeper. A 
sleeper is a dago what keeps a fruit 
stand an’ goes to sleep late at night 


THE DOPE BOOK 109 


leanin’ up against de side of de buildin’. 
De kids finds a sleeper an* dey helps 
demselves to de apples an’ oranges, 
stuffin’ dere pockets. Jes’ as Tree 
Twenty-Seven was pinchin’ a handful 
of popcorn de sleeper, wakes up an’ 
lets out a yell. Den he starts for de 
kids an’ dey runs dowh de alley. De 
dago don’t foller ’em down dere ’cause 
it ain’t healthy for a dago wid nine 
kids pickin’ on him in de dark. So de 
dago ducks around de block to catch 
de kids when dey comes out on de 
street at de other side. But de kids 
waits a minute an’ den screws back de 
same way dey come. 

“I’m cornin’ down de street on de 
other side of de block eatin’ a apple 
what I woke up a sleeper an’ paid him 
two cents for, like de dope book says. 
De dago what was chasin’ de kids sees 
me cornin’ jes’ as I goes by de mouth 
of de alley an’ he starts for me wid a 
yell. I’m so sore I can’t hardly git a 
move on me but I pulls ’er wide open 



an’ de dago only gits a couple of hard 
swipes at me. 

“But I’m still wonderin’ what’s de 
matter wid dat dope book de ole guy 
give me.” 


ONE FORTY-TWO AND “WILLY 
DE DIP” 

“You can’t always tell what you’re 
goin’ up against,’ said One Forty-Two, 
sagely. “Sometimes you’ll size up a 
guy for a good t’ing an’ he’ll throw de 
hooks into you de first time you ain’t 
lookin’. Sometimes you t’ink you’re 
on a dead one an’ he’ll wake up sudden 
an’ tip you de glad hand an’ a bundle 
of money. It’s enough to keep a kid 
guessin’ ‘till de show is over.” 

One Forty-Two lit a fresh cigarette 
and swung his feet over the side of my 
desk. 

“Did I ever tell you about de time I 
discovered ‘Willy the Dip’s’ long lost 
great grandmother? It would make a 
good nickel library an’ dat’s no pipe 
dream. It was like this: 

“Every once in a while de cops down 


1 14 MESSENGER BOY 


at Harrison street goes out an’ pinches 
everyt’ing in sight. Dey fills de cells 
up wid bums an’ daisies an’ dips an’ 
con men an’ all sorts of grafters. A 
lot of dose what’s pinched wants to 
send for de alderman or de corner 
saloonkeeper to come to de front for 
dem an’ dey git de Lute to telephome 
for a messenger. Dat’s always a good 
call ’cause some of de blokes what’s 
pinched has coin an’ dey’ll hand a kid 
a bone to git a extry quick move on 
him. 

“Well, one Saturday night de flies 
an’ de harness men all goes out on de 
pinch an’ dey brings in everyt’ing on 
the levee what ain’t nailed down. T’ree 
Twenty-Seven an’ I gits de call from 
de station an’ we chases ourselves 
down dere. De place was full of 
people. Dere was a lot of chinks wid 
dere dope pipes, about forty barrel- 
house bums an’ lodgers, some dips an’ 
lifters an’ a bunch of daisies cryin’ an’ 
cussin’. De bail shark was busy sign- 


WILLY DE DIP 


ii5 


in’ de bonds an’ collectin’ two bucks 
apiece from all dose what had de coin 
an’ would cough up. 

“De Lute makes me an’ Tree 
Twenty-Seven sit down an’ wait ’till 
dey gits de bunch booked. Den we 
goes down cellar to de cells to do busi- 
ness. One guy gives Tree Twenty- 
Seven a silver watch for security to 
take a note to his wife an’ one of de 
daisies takes off her earrings an’ turns 
’em over to him to make good for a 
note to de alderman. I’m jes’ gittin’ 
busy when I sees a little runt of a kid 
settin’ down on a soap box by de ma- 
tron’s desk. Now I ain’t no easy mark 
but I could see dat kid didn’t belong 
in de cells. He didn’t look right for 
it. He was a nice, scart-lookin’ little 
kid, wid blue eyes. 

“ ‘What’s de matter, kid,’ I says. 

“ ‘He’s a dip,’ says de matron. 
‘Dey ketched him over to Sipple’s 
store wid his mitt in a lady’s pocket.’ 

“De kid jes’ sits still, lookin’ scart 


1 16 MESSENGER BOY 


I-JLIULiLju 



“ ‘What’s de matter, kid?’ I says.” 


WILLY DE DIP n 7 


an’ says nothin’. I feel sorry for him 
an’ I squats down on de floor by him 
an’ lets de Sarge an’ de matron an’ 
T’ree Twenty - Seven go on down 
through de cells, doin’ business wid de 
push. I hears T’ree Twenty - Seven 
gettin’ his cap full of jewelry — half of 
it brass an’ prize package at dat. 

“ ‘Say, kid,’ I says to de little scart 
guy, ‘what’s your name,’ I says. 

“De kid don’t say nothin’ and I gits 
kind a’ sore on him. But he looks so 
white an’ skinny an’ scart dat I can’t 
help feelin’ sorry for de poor little 
cuss. 

“ ‘Are you a dummy, kid,’ I says, ‘or 
are you daffy?’ 

“ ‘I dasn’t say nothin,’ de kid says. 

“ ‘Why not?’ 

“ ‘Mother Frizzle’ll lick me if I do.’ 

“ ‘Where do you live,’ I says. 

“ ‘I dasn’t tell. Mother Frizzle’dcut 
my heart out if I told. She says so.’ 

“ ‘Look-a-here, kid,’ I says, ‘you tell 
me an’ I’ll keep it quiet an’ go an’ git 


1 1 8 MESSENGER BOY 


Mother Frizzle to git you out. If you 
don’t tell me I’ll get de Lute to lock 
you up in a dark cell all by yourself 
an’ set de rats on you.’ 

“De poor little cuss was shiver- 
in’ he was so scart, but he wouldn’t 
give up. ‘An’ den,’ I says, ‘after you 
been in de black cell all night wid de 
rats he’ll pull your toenails out by de 
roots,’ I says. 

“Den de kid turns on his waterworks 
an’ starts to whimper an’ I knows I’ve 
got him cornin’. Finally he leans over 
an’ whispers to me ‘She lives over to 
11678 Green street,’ he says, ‘in de 
fourt’ flat,’ he says. ‘Dere is t’ree of 
us kids belongs to her,’ he says. ‘She 
calls me Willy an’ she licks me when I 
don’t git de dough. I’m afraid she’ll 
lick me terrible now.’ 

“ ‘Don’t you be afraid, kid,’ I says. 
‘You do what de matron says an’ I’ll 
ask de Lute not to set de rats on you 
or pull your toenails out till I gits 
back. I’m goin’ now,’ I says. 


WILLY DE DIP 


119 

“I find Tree Twenty-Seven an' he's 
got his cap full of watches, rings, an' 
sparklers. 

“ ‘You’ll have to tend to dem cases,' 
I says to him. ‘I got a private mes- 
sage to deliver.’ 

“ ‘Look at de jewelry I got,’ says 
Tree Twenty-Seven, ‘an’ a big guy in 
de cells promised me two bones when I 
git de alderman over.’ 

“ ‘Dat jewelry is on de bum,’ I 
says. ‘I got a special message an' I 
can’t bother wid dat cheap truck,’ I 
says. 

“But I’m thinkin’ what a easy mark 
I am foolin’ with dat little guy when 
dere’s such a good graft in de cells. 
Tree Twenty-Seven gits de idea dat 
I’m on a good t’ing an’ he makes a 
prop to divvy. 

“ ‘I’ll split even wid you on de 
night,’ says T’ree Twenty-Seven an’ I 
picks him up for easy money. 

“ ‘I don’t know what I’ll git out of 
my run, T’ree Twenty-Seven,’ I says, 


120 MESSENGER BOY 


'but I’ll let you in on it ’cause you’re a 
good feller.’ 

“So Tree Twenty-Seven goes out 
roundin’ up de aldermen to go to de 
front for de gang an’ I chases over to 
de West side to hunt up Mother Friz- 
zle. I finds de joint dead easy an’ goes 
up an’ rings de bell. One of de kids 
opens de door an’ I asks for Mrs. Friz- 
zle. 

“ ‘Come in an’ sit down,’ de kid 
says, ‘an’ I’ll tell her you’re here.’ 

“I goes in an’ de kid goes out of de 
room after de ole daisy. While he’s 
gone I picks up a book what’s lyin’ 
under de table. As I picks it up a 
photograft falls on de floor an’ I nails 
it. It was a picture of de poor little 
dip I left over to de Harrison street 
station. 

“I looks for writin’ on the back of de 
photograft but dere wasn’t none. 
Nothin’ on it but de name of de photo- 
graft man. But it was de mug of de 
little scart-faced kid all right, only 


WILLY DE DIP 


12 


when de photograft was took he was 
all dressed up in black velvet glad 
rags. Den I knowed I was on a hot 
tip. I slips de photograft into my 
pocket an jes’ den ole Mother Frizzle 
comes bouncin’ into de room. She 
was a big red-faced ole daisy wid a 
mug on her you could have cracked 
nuts on. 

“ ‘What do you want,’ she says. 

“ ‘Willy de Dip is pinched over to 
Harrison street,’ I says, ‘an’ I come 
over to git you to go bail for him.’ 

“ ‘I don’t know what you’re talkin’ 
about,’ snaps de ole daisy. 

“ ‘One of your kids got catched wid 
his mitt in a woman’s pocket,’ I says. 
‘He’s up against it now over to de 
police station an’ he sent me over 
to give you de distress signal,’ I 
says. 

“ ‘I don’t understand what you are 
talkin’ about at all,’ says de ole girl 
over again. ‘My two little boys are 
both at home an’ I have no relative 


122 MESSENGER BOY 


named Willy. You have come to de 
wrong place,’ she says. 

“You only had to look at the de ole 
daisy’s mug once to size her up for a 
crook, but dere wasn’t no use to talk to 
her at all. She give me de icy eye an* 
I was afraid dat she might have a big 
guy hid in de next room what might 
do me up if I didn’t make a quick 
sneak. So I begs her pardon an’ 
backs out of de flat an’ calls up de 
Lute over de telephome from de corner 
drug store. I puts him wise an’ he 
promises to send out de wagon on a 
hurry-up trip, while I looks up de man 
what made de photograft of de little 
dip. 

“De photograft man lives down on 
the Sout’ side. He looks at de photo- 
graft an’ hunts up de number of the 
negative. ‘Dat was took a year ago,’ 
he says. Den he gives me de name 
an’ address of de party what had it 
took. It was way out in Woodlawn 
an’ it was late at night when I gits out 


WILLY DE DIP 


123 


dere. It was a swell house an’ after I 
rings the bell about five minutes a ole 
girl sticks her nightcap out of de 
upper window an’ yells down, ‘Who is 
it?’ 

" 'I’m One Forty-Two,’ I says, ‘an’ 
I wants to see you about your little 
boy, Willie,’ I says. 

“Pretty soon a big Turk in knee pants 
comes down an’ lets me into a swell 
parlor an’ de ole dame chases herself 
in, all excited an’ says, ‘Have you 
found him?’ 

“I goes ahead an’ puts her wise to 
Mother Frizzle an’ Willie de Dip an’ 
she sends de Turk to hitch up de car- 
riage an’ in a minute her an’ me an’ de 
Turk is drivin’ down to Harrison street 
wid de horses goin’ in de free-for-all 
class. When we goes into de sta- 
tion de Lute takes off his head-piece 
an’ sends de matron to bring Willy the 
Dip up from downstairs. When de 
ole daisy seen him she give a yell an’ 
started for him. Willy de Dip t’ inks 


124 MESSENGER BOY 



“In comes a bunch of harness-men wid ole 
Mother Frizzle.” 


WILLY DE DIP 


125 


she’s going’ to swing on him an’ makes 
a duck an’ de ole girl pretty near 
t’rows her arms around de Lute. 

“Anyhow Willy de Dip’s her grand- 
son what was stole a year ago an’ she’s 
been lookin’ all over de country for 
him. An’ while we’re standin’ dere, 
Willy wid his arms around de ole girl’s 
neck, in comes a bunch of harness men 
wid ole Mother Frizzle, her two kids 
an’ a lot of stolen stuff. Frizzle gives 
one look at me an’ commences to cuss, 
but de Lute shuts her off. 

“ ‘Put de bracelets on her,’ he says, 
‘an’ if she wants to do any talkin’ take 
her downstairs an’ lock her up where 
she won’t disturb nobody.’ 

“ ‘And what did Willie’s grand- 
mother do for you?’ 

“She gimme de bundle of dough she 
had in her pocketbook an’ she asks me 
my handle an’ where I hang out. An’ 
de worst of it all was dat I had to split 
up de coin even wid T’ree Twenty- 
Seven when I t’ought I was gettin’ all 


126 MESSENGER BOY 


the best of him on the deal. Dere was 
$18.45 apiece for us on de night besides 
free pair of bum earrings an’ a imita- 
tion sparkler.” 


WHEN ONE FORTY-TWO 
PLAYED CUPID 

“One night dere comes in a call 
from a big hotel,” said One Forty- 
Two, “an’ I sized it up for a good 
t’ing. I makes a jump when I hears 
de manager talkin’ an’ I gits out in de 
front offis before de bunch of dubs 
settin’ on de benches knows dere is 
anyt’ing doin’. I gits de ticket an’ 
pikes down de bullyvard. De clerk 
sends me up to de seven floor. When 
I knocks, one of dese little Gussies 
what looks like dey never et anyt’ing 
but cream puffs an’ lady fingers opens 
de door an’ says ‘Come in, me boy.’ 
P°n he goes ahead an’ tells me his 
troubles. He’s from New York an’ 
he’s got a daisy what lives out on de 
Nort’ side. Her pa won’t stand for 
him an’ so he’s scart to call. But he 
127 


128 MESSENGER BOY 


wants her to know he’s in town. So 
he writes her a note an’ hands me a sil- 
ver buck an’ says, ‘Go up an’ give it to 
her an’ wait for a answer.’ 

“De daisy’s pa lives in one of de 
big four story porch climber’s favorites 
on de Drive an’ its a sinche he’s in de 
blue book an’ owns a bundle of money. 
Dere’s a coon opens de door when I 
rings de bell an’ he tries to give de icy 
mitt, but I won’t stand for it. 

“ ‘Here’s a note for de lady,’ I says, 
‘an’ I’m goin’ to wait for de answer.’ 
‘It’s kind a’ cold out on de porch,’ I 
says, ‘an’ I’ll sit down in de hall ’till 
she gits ready.’ 

“So I walks in an’ sits down in a big 
chair an’ de coon makes a sneak wid 
de note. Den I hears a girl cryin’ up- 
stairs an’ de ole guy,* himself, comes 
down in his glad rags an’ makes a hot 
spiel to me. 

“ 'You tell Mister Man,’ he says, 
‘dat dere ain’t no answer to his note,’ 
he says. ‘Dat my daughter won’t see 


PLAYED CUPID 129 


him now or any other time. Dat he is a 
stiff, an’ is only out after de dough an’ 
dat dere will be a rough house if he 
tries to break into de game again.’ 

"All de time I hears de daisy cryin’ 
in her room up at de head of de stairs 
an’ I had a good mind to swing on de 
ole guy an’ go up an’ give her de glad 
hand. But finally I gits wise an’ backs 
out, widout chinnin’ His Nobs. 

"When I gits down on de walk dere 
is de daisy upstairs at her window. 
When she seen me she waves her hand 
an’ den she raises her window an’ drops 
out a piece of paper wrapped round a 
silver plunk. I catches it before it 
hits de sidewalk. It was a note from 
de daisy to de Gussie down to de hotel, 
tellin’ him dat she loved him always 
an’ was ready to marry him any minute 
if de ole man wasn’t watchin’ her so 
close. 

"When I reads dat I says to myself, 
‘Well, if Gussie’s game dere’ll be a 
weddin’ in town to-night, sure. If he 


i 30 MESSENGER BOY 


ain’t game why I got to see dat he does 
de right t’ing by de girl anyhow!' So 
I gits a quick push down to de hotel 
an’ dere was my little Willie boy 
walkin’ around de offis, smokin’ a cig 
an’ all up in de air. 

“ ‘Say,’ I says, ‘you better come up- 
stairs an’ I’ll tell you all about it.’ 

“When we gits set down an’ I tells 
him about what de ole guy says about 
him bein’ out after de stuff an’ about 
startin’ a rough house if he ever shows 
up, he gits gray an’ pale yellow in de 
chops. Den I knows he’s a rabbit an’ 
I makes up my mind I got to see de 
t’ing through myself. 

“ ‘Here’s a note de daisy drops out 
of de window,’ I says, handin’ it to 
him an’ watchin him while he reads it. 

“ ‘What shall I do,’ he says. ‘Her 
father will never consent an’ I can’t 
take her away from de house by 
force.’ 

“ ‘Be game,’ I says. ‘Give de ole 
man de razzle dazzle. Play horse wid 


PLAYED CUPID 


I 3 I 

him. Marry de girl in spite of him. 
Brace up an’ don’t be a chicken. 

“De Gussie lights another cig an’ 
sits a long time t’ inking he’s t’ inking. 



‘“Be game,’ I says. 


132 MESSENGER BOY 


“ ‘What would you advise me to do?’ 
he says at last. 

“ 'If you’ll leave it to me an’ Tree 
Twenty-Seven,’ I says, ‘we’ll pull it off 
widout de police or anybody else cut- 
tin’ in on us,’ I says. 

“ ‘Go ahead,’ he says. ‘But are you 
sure you can trim de job up right?’ 

“ ‘Sure,’ I says, ‘an’ de first t’ing I’ll 
have to make a little touch for some 
expense money,’ I says. 

“He hands a double sawbuck an’ I 
says ‘de weddin’ll come off to-morrow 
evenin’ at 8, rain or shine an’ no extry 
charge for reserved seats.’ Den I gits 
Gussie’s name an’ de daisy’s name an’ 
tells him to go to sleep an’ forgit it. 

“De next afternoon T’ree Twenty- 
Seven an’ me gits out de blue book an’ 
looks up de clubs what de daisy’s old 
man belongs to. Den we fixes it wid a 
preacher dat he’ll be waitin’ for us at 
de hotel at a quarter after 8 dat even- 
in’. Finally jes before closin’ we takes 
Gussie over to the city hall an’ puts 


PLAYED CUPID 


133 


him up against de marriage license 
clerk. Say, he was scart half to deat\ 

“ ‘S’pose de ole man’d find dis out,’ 
he says. ‘Or s’pose dat my Clara 
can’t git out of de house to-night,’ he 
says. ‘Dat’d be awful. It’d be in all 
de papers to-morrow mornin’,’ he says. 

“ ‘Don’t you worry about dat,’ I 
says, ‘Tree Twenty-Seven an’ I has 
got it framed up all right. We can’t 
lose. All you got to do is to be game,’ 
I says. ‘Brace up an’ don’t be a rab- 
bit,’ I says. 

“Say, if Gussie had backed out den 
I’d a’ married de girl, myself. 

“When we had everything framed 
up we sent Gussie back to de hotel to 
wait till we called for him. At 7:30 
o’clock I gits a swell carriage wid two 
Turks in uniform up on de driver’s seat 
an’ stops at de hotel. Gussie an’ Tree 
Twenty-Seven gits in wid me an’ we 
starts over on de Nort’ side. We 
stops half a dozen blocks away from de 
house an’ I gits out tellin’ de driver to 


134 MESSENGER BOY 


wait. Tree Twenty-Seven goes on up 
to de daisy’s house an’ lays across de 
street behind a tree, where he can rub- 
ber in de dark. I gives him a good 
start an’ den I gits busy on de tele- 
phone. I call up de daisy’s house an’ 
I tells de coon what answers de phome 
dat I’m de boy at de club what I’ve 
looked up dat the daisy’s pa belongs 
to. I says dat Mr. Brunlgin’ wants to 
know can de ole man come over to de 
club for a few minutes. Dat he’s 
needed bad an’ Mr. Browling wants to 
know can he come right away. De 
coon wants to know what is de name of 
de gent what wants de ole guy to come 
over. So I says de name over differ- 
ent, bein’ careful to talk like my mouth 
was full of eatin’ tobacco, so he 
wouldn’t be sure what name it was. 
Den de ole guy himself comes to de 
phome an’ he wants to know who it is 
wants him to come over to de club. 
An’ I says a different name every time 
so he couldn’t git next. Finally he 


PLAYED CUPID 


i35 


gits mad an’ says, ‘Yes, I’ll come over 
to de club an’ de first t’ing I’ll do is to 
have somebody dat kin talk plain Eng- 
lish put in your job.’ 

“Den I knows everyt’ing’s all right 
an’ I goes out an’ tells de guys on de 
driver’s seat to git a slow move on 
’em. An’ I tells Gussie everyt’ing’s 
set an’ asks him does he want a 
bracer. Pretty soon T’ree Twenty- 
Seven comes along an’ gives us de tip 
dat de ole man was gone an’ de coop 
was open. 

“ ‘But you want to look out for dat 
coon,’ -ays T’ree Twenty - Seven. 
‘After de old guy goes he comes out on 
de walk an’ rubbers up an’ down de 
street like he t’ought dere was some- 
thin’ doin’.’ 

“ ‘I’ll fix him, T’ree Twenty-Seven,’ 
I says, ‘I’m playin’ ’em close to de 
ground now an’ dat coon won’t be 
deuce high.’ 

“We drives right up to de daisy’s 
house an’ stops before de door. One 


136 MESSENGER BOY 


of de men on de driver’s seat jumps 
down an’ runs up de steps in a hurry. 
I put him wise before we started out 
an’ he had it down fine. 

“ ‘When de coon comes to de door,* 
I says to him, ‘you say dat de ole guy 
jes’ had a fit over to de club an’ dey 
want de daisy to come over in a hurry. 
Say you’ll take her over in de car- 
riage.’ 

“But the guy makes a better spiel 
dan dat. He rung de bell an’ when 
de coon opens it he says: ‘Please tell 
Miss Clara dat her father has been 
seized wid a faintin’ fit at de club,’ he 
says, ‘an’ we has been sent to take her 
over there. Tell her it ain’t nothin’ 
serious.’ 

“So de daisy comes out in a minute 
an’ gits into de carriage. Say, I most 
forgot dat Gussie is sittin’ in dere, but 
he is, an’ de daisy says when she gits 
her lamps on him, ‘O, George, is it 
you?’ An’ I punches him in de back 
an’ says ‘Be game’ an’ he comes out of 


PLAYED CUPID 


137 


his trance an’ de driver starts off wid 
de team down de street to de hotel. 
Me an’ T’ree Twenty-Seven jumps de 
cable an’ when dey git down to de 
hash house we’re dere waitin’. 

“We gits out de preacher an’ de 
clerk chases up a couple of guys to do 
de witness act an’ before Gussie or de 
daisy knows what’s goin’ on it’s all 
over. 

“ ‘Now, we’re goin’ up to git next to 
the ole man,’ I says. But he was 
afraid to go. ‘Be game,’ I says, an’ de 
daisy pipes up dat mebbe we had bet- 
ter go an’ see her ‘puppah’ an’ out we 
goes to de carriage again, me an’ T'ree 
Twenty-Seven on de seat dis time wid 
de driver. 

“We stops de carriage a block off 
an’ I goes up an’ rings de bell. De 
ole guy opens de door himself. Den 
he reaches out an’ grabs me by de col- 
lar an’ yanks me into de house. I 
ain’t tellin’ what he says or what I 
says. Anyway, I goes out in fifteen 







“He yanks me into de house.” 

138 










t 




r 


PLAYED CUPID 


x 39 

minutes an’ calls Gussie an’ de daisy 
into de house. 

“ ‘Be game,’ I says, an’ he slips me 
another twenty. Den I quit an’ goes 
back to I 6 offis. An’ dey made me an’ 
Tree Twenty-Seven turn in sixty cents 
apiece.” 











’« < 1 ' 

,• 1 








■ • 1 • ■! 


































































































s. 






;! > * I 


































' 




• / , 



















o 










*• . 







WHEN ONE FORTY-TWO "FELL 
DOWN" 

" 'One Forty-Two,' says de manager 
to me one aft, 'are you wise to Klapp 
& Carlip’s store?’ 

" 'Am I,’ I says, t’inking he might 
be tryin’ to string me, ‘Sure I am. Dat’s 
where I buy most a’ my jewelry. 
Dat’s where I bought dat diamond 
necklace what Ag, my Nort’ side daisy 
is makin’ such a hit wid. Sure I knows 
Klapp & Carlip’s store. Anyt’ing doin’ 
over dere?’ 

" 'It’s like dis, ’ de manager says. 
‘Dere is somebody over dere pinchin* 
gold rings an’ rocks an’ shiners an’ dey 
can’t any of ’em git onto de grafters. 
Dey all t’ink it’s one of de clerks an’ 
dey had t’ree flies from Central in de 
joint for a week. But de only t’ing dey 
done was to arrest a ole daisy on sus- 


I 4 2 messenger boy 


picion an’ now she’s soaked ’em for 
$2,000 damages. 

" 'Ole man Carlip was over here dis 
aft,’ says de manager, ‘an’ he’s jes’ 
about bughouse he’s so worried. He 
says to me dat mebbe we can put a 
smooth kid over dere for a week or two 
an’ he might git next to de guy what’s 
eaten’ ’em up. He says dat he'll hand 
de kid a hundred if he can catch de 
grafter an’ give him a good job in de 
store, too. You can go over an’ take a 
peek in if you want to.’ 

"Dat looked like easy money to me 
an’ den it was a good chance to do a 
little work like ‘Old Sleuth’ done, so 
I screws home an’ puts on my plain 
rags an’ goes over to Klapp & Carlip’ s 
lookin’ for a job. Jes’ to make de play 
strong ole man Carlip puts a ad in de 
papers dat he wants a boy an’ I cuts 
dat out an’ walks in de store. I holds 
de ad in my mitt an’ sticks it under de 
nose of de first guy I seen behind de 
counter. 


FELL DOWN 


M3 


" 'Are you de guy what wants a kid 
like what dis paper says?’ I says to de 
clerk, tryin’ to talk like a rube so he'd 
t’ink I was jes’ in from Sout’ Haven or 
St. Louis to make my fortune. 

"He pipes de paper an’ den he 
laughs an’ says, ‘No, I don’t want no 
kid. Dat’s de ole man’s ad, but I 
don’t t’ink he wants no tough little 
cuss like you,* he says. ‘His offis is 
right up dem stairs dere,’ he says, ‘an’ 
you can run up an’ see him if you want 
to,’ he says. 

"Ole man Carlip is settin’ in a little 
offis wid glass doors to it an’ when I 
goes in an’ gives him de distress signal 
like him an’ de manager makes it up 
he looks up over his glass lamps an' 
says, ‘Boy, can you write?’ 

" ‘Yes,’ I says, ‘I can write an’ read 
an’ I got a saddle what’s a sinche 
in de afternoon drawin’ to-morrow,’ I 
says. 

" ‘Boy,’ he says, tryin’ to hang out 
a strong bluff before de pair a’ queens 


i 4 4 MESSENGER BOY 


he’s got punchin’ de keys in his offis, 
‘do you want to learn de jewelry biz?’ 
he says. 

“ ‘I know de dif now between a white 
one an’ a shiner,’ I says, ‘an’ I’m stuck 
on gettin’ wise to de hull game,’ I 
says. 

“ ‘You can show up to-morrow morn- 
ing at 7:30,’ says ole man Carlip, ‘an’ 
your wages’ll be three-fift a week,’ he 
says. ‘You can run errands for me an' 
help take care of stock an’ if you don’t 
work hard an’ be polite you won’t last 
fifteen minutes,’ he says. ‘Now run 
down stairs an’ if I want you I’ll ring, 
see?’ 

“De next mornin’ I’m down early 
an’ while I’m out in de stock room 
dere is a guy comes out dere an’ hits 
up a brown bot for t’ree fingers. Dat’s 
a bad sign when a guy has to git his 
mornin’ s-mornin’ before he starts to 
work an’ I asks de other kid who dat 
guy is wid de black mustash an’ de 
blue eyes. De kid says dat he’s ole 


FELL DOWN 


H5 

man Carlip’s son an’ dat he’s de head 
salesman an’ de manager of de retail 
house. 

“Dat night I goes down an’ gits next 
to my ole friend, Andy, who used to 
deal over to Morgan’s when de town 
was good. I asks Andy where de best 
game is runnin’ an’ he puts me wise. 
I steers up dere an’ dere sits my guy 
wid de black mustash an’ blue eyes wid 
de chips piled up before him on de 
table higher dan a cat’s back. Dat’s 
enough for little Willie to see an’ I 
screws out before he gits his lamps on 
me. An’ I says to myself dat de 
reason ole man Carlip ain’t catchin’ his 
grafter is because he ain’t lookin’ close 
enough to home. But I ain’t makin’ a 
spiel to anybody else ’till I gits wise 
to de hull combination. 

“It takes me a week to catch de ole 
man’s son palmin’ a spark out of de 
vault an’ I follows him dat night an’ 
finds out where he hocks his swag an’ 
gits de dough for it. Den it’s all set 


i 4 6 MESSENGER BOY 



"Dere sits my guy wid de black mustash.” 


FELL DOWN 


H 7 

an’ I'm ready to pull off dat hundurd 
an’ take a little trip. 

“I goes over an’ tells de manager 
dat I’m gettin’ wise to de game an’ dat 
I’ll be ready to cop de dough in a 
couple of days. He puts a bug in ole 
man Carlip’s ear dat dere’ll be some- 
thin’ doin’ pretty soon. 

“Den one day dere was a pretty 
little daisy comes runnin’ in to de 
store. Say, she was de swellest little 
peachalorum what ever come down de 
pike. She had a little white dress on, 
wid a blue sash an’ necktie. She had 
a bunch of flowers in her mitt an’ when 
she sees me pipin’ her off from behind 
de counter she throws me a big piece 
of lilac flowers an’ hands me a grin 
what made me t’ink de sun was shinin’ 
in my eyes. Den she goes bobbin’ 
along down de store ’till she comes to 
de guy wid de black mustash an’ de 
blue eyes. De daisy t’rows her arms 
around his neck an’ hits him a kiss on 
de kisser an’ says, ‘Good mornin’ 


148 MESSENGER BOY 


Brother Paul,’ she says. ‘I’ve jes’ 
been down to git my graduation glad 
rags,’ she says, ‘an* if you send me 
flowers, Paul,’ she says, 'be sure dey re 
pink,’ she says. 

"Den she hits him another kiss an* I 
has a fit. When I comes to I says, 
'Yes, you’ll be buyin’ pink flowers, 
you will,’ I says to myself, lookin’ at 
de black mustash. ‘You’ll be tryin’ to 
crawl out between de bars, dat’s what 
you’ll be doin,’ I says. 

"Den de next day de daisy comes 
back again an’ she gives Papa Carlip a 
smack an’ hands Brother Paul another 
kiss an’ gives me one of dem smiles 
what she’s de only one what carries 
’em in stock. An’ I makes up my 
mind dat if I put de ole man onto 
Brother Paul’s curves dat it’ll be all 
off wid de little daisy havin’ a good 
time. De cops’d make de pinch 
an’ dere would be a piece in all de 
papers. 

" ‘I’ll go an’ give Brother Paul a hot 


FELL DOWN 


149 

game of talk,’ I says, ‘an’ den I’ll see 
what I better do next.’ 

“Dat night I goes up to Brother Paul 
when him an’ me is all dey is left in 
de store an’ I says, ‘Mr. Carlip,’ I 
says. Tm dead wise to de hull game,’ 
I says. ‘De ole man hired me to catch 
de grafter what’s pinchin’ de sparks 
an’ jewelry,’ I says, ‘but of course he 
ain't suspectin’ dat his own son’d be 
doin’ him dirt.’ 

“Brother Paul put up a terrible front. 

“ ‘You’re crazy, you little devil,’ he 
says. ‘Nobody’d believe such a lie 
from a brat like you. You couldn’t 
make my father listen to it.' 

“ ‘Your father wouldn’t believe dat 
you was settin’ in de game over to 
Morgan’s every night, either, I guess 
nit,’ I says, ‘or dat you was soakin’ 
sparks an’ shiners over on de West side 
to git coin to play wid,’ I says. ‘He’d 
hate to t’ink dat you was goin’ out to 
de stock room every mornin’ to hit 
up dat black bot to steady your 


150 MESSENGER BOY 



“You’re crazy, you little devil.’’ 


FELL DOWN 


i5i 

nerves,’ I says. ‘Dere is a lot of t’ings 
he wouldn’t believe unless he has to 
an’ I’m de kid what can make him, 
see? If you git gay wid me it’s all off 
wid Brother Paul,’ I says. ‘But if you 
cut it all out an’ stop graftin’ an gam- 
bling I says, ‘I’ll keep it dark. I like 
your fambly,’ I says, thinkin’ of de 
little daisy in de white dress, ‘an’ I 
ain’t goin’ to squeal on you if you stay 
on de square. But if you go against 
de bank once more,’ I says, ‘I’ll put de 
ole man next as sure as my number is 
One-Forty-Two. ’ 

“Dat night I tells de manager I 
can’t git next to the grafter an’ he tells 
ole man Carlip an’ he ties a can to me. 
Instead of dat hundurd an’ a good job 
I gits de merry ha-ha an’ de ole G. B. 
But I ain’t a kickin’. Dat little daisy 
wid de white dress is wort’ it. An’ 
Brother Paul braced up an’ when de 
ole man croaked he took hold an’ he’s 
been runnin’ de biz ever since. 

“I got a good job waitin’ for me over 


152 MESSENGER BOY 


dere at dat jewelry store now an’ every 
once in a while I see dat little daisy 
an’ she hands me one of dat same brand 
of smiles.” 


FOUR EIGHTEEN’S OLD 
WOMAN. 


“De first time I ever seen Four 
Eighteen’s old woman,” said One 
Forty - Two, “was when she come 
around to I 6 offis wid Four Eighteen 
hustlin’ for a job. He was a Rube, 
jes’ in from de tall grass. Say, I seen 
de guys Eddie Hall used to take down 
to see de explosion on the lake front 
an’ a lot of de ole gazaboys what put 
de electric lights in de bureau drawers 
after tryin’ to blow ’em out, but dat kid 
was de limit. His roof was red an’ de 
hair stood up on end like it was scart. 
His mouth was wide open, he had a 
bunch of freckles on his smeller an’ he 
had on a extry pair of glass lamps as 
big as dark lanterns. An’ de ole 
daisy, Four Eighteen’s old woman, had 
153 


i 5 4 MESSENGER BOY 


him by de mitt, leadin’ him into I 6 
offis lookin’ for a job. 

“She was dead game, dat ole daisy, 
an’ all de kids gits stuck on her. She 
had little white curls hangin’ down her 
face an’ she calls me an’ T’ree Twenty- 
Seven ‘young gentlemen.’ 

“ ‘But de boy don’t know nothin’ 
about de city,’ says de manager after 
she hits him for a job. ‘He couldn’t 
find his way around town at all,’ he 
says. ‘I’m afraid he wouldn’t do for a 
messenger.’ 

“ ‘I know Chicago perfectly,’ says de 
ole daisy. T’ve lived here for forty 
years,’ she says. ‘An’ until my grand- 
son gits wise to de town,’ she says, 
‘I’ll go round wid him myself an’ see 
dat he don’t get lost,’ she says. 

“De ole daisy hangs on so long an’ 
puts up such a strong game of talk dat 
de manager finally sends her around to 
de head offis to see de Main Squeeze, 
an’ she comes back in a hour wid a 
order for to put de kid on. 


OLD WOMAN 


155 


“Dey gives him de number Four 
Eighteen an’ every day him an’ his 
grandma comes down an* sits wid de 
other kids in de back offis waitin’ for a 
run. De gang gits t’ree names on 
Four Eighteen de first week. Dey 
calls him ‘Freckles’ an’ ‘Four Eyes’ 
an’ ‘Baby Mine,’ but none of de kids 
ever tries to josh Four Eighteen’ s old 
woman. Say, when she’s sittin’ out 
dere in de waitin’ room de kids keeps 
dere bones in dere pockets an’ when 
T’ree Twenty-Seven lights up a cig de 
kids takes him out in de alley an’ puts 
him wise dat smokin’ don’t go when 
dere is ladies in de room. 

“De next day de ole daisy brings 
down a big paper sack full of little 
white frostin’ cakes an’ says dat she 
hopes de young gents’ll help dem- 
selves an’ she’s much obliged to dem 
for cuttin’ out the cigs. Another night 
she gives me an’ T’ree Twenty-Seven a 
bid to come out to her joint an’ feed 
our face. We have chockolut ice 


156 MESSENGER BOY 

cream an’ lemo an’ after dinner she 
asks us would we rather play dominoes 
or parchesi. Tree Twenty - Seven 
comes near makin’ a bad break by 
offerin’ to shoot for a nickel against a 
extry dish of ice cream but de ole daisy 
don’t get next to what he’s talkin’ 
about an’ I puts de muzzle on him 
before he gives de push dead away. 

“But say dat Four Eighteen was de 
quickest kid I ever seen to catch onto de 
ropes. In two weeks he had grandma 
cut out an’ was goin’ down de pike so 
fast dat you couldn’t see him for de 
dust. He was smokin’ four packs of 
cigs a day an’ had de hull gang faded 
wid de bones. He was onto more 
grafts dan de oldest kid in de bunch. 
He was playin’ gigs an’ saddles in both 
drawin’s every day an’ goin’ against de 
booze game like he was born in a 
brewery. 

“Every two or free days Four 
Eighteen’s old woman would come 
down to I 6 offis an’ ask me an’ Tree 


OLD WOMAN 157 

Twenty-Seven how her little grandson 
was gettin’ along. 

“ ‘He’s workin’ terrible hard,’ she 
says, ‘an’ is spendin’ all de spare time 



“He had de hull gang faded wid de bones. 


158 MESSENGER BOY 

he has studyin’ de streets/ she says. 
‘He was brought up in de country,' she 
says, ‘an' don’t know anyt’ing about 
life in a big city,’ she says. ‘I hope 
dat you young gentlemen,' she says, 

‘ ’ll learn him all you can an' see dat 
he don’t git into no trouble or learn no 
bad habits,’ she says. 

“Me an’ Tree Twenty-Seven tells 
Four Eighteen’s old woman dat he’s 
catchin’ on fast. An’ dat’s no fairy 
story. When she’s down askin’ about 
him he’s out in de alley wid a cig in 
his face, skinnin’ de eye teet’ out of 
de gang wid de bones. Or, mebbe, 
him an’ One T’irty-Nine is chasin’ the 
goose over to Hogan’s an puttin’ up a 
good sized package to take home wid 
him. Four Eighteen was de toughest 
proposition in I 6 offis an’ it was fierce 
de way we had to give his old woman 
de con-con. She was turrible proud of 
Four Eighteen an she t’ ought dat all 
he needed was a jewsharp an’ a fedder 
duster to sit in de angel game. 


OLD WOMAN 


159 


“One afternoon I gits a call to take 
a libery horse an’ a surrey back to de 
stable way up on de Nort’ side. De 
guy what rented ’em wants to stay 
down town an’ he sends for a kid to 
take 'em home. 

“ ‘Drive her slow, kid,’ he says to 
me. ‘I don’t want de horse all het up 
when it gits back to de barn.’ 

“I meets T’ree Twenty-Seven on de 
next block an’ he climbs in de back 
seat. We drives around for a hour or 
so an’ den I says, ‘Let’s go an’ take 
Four Eighteen’s old woman out for a 
drive.’ 

“So we drives up to de place where 
Four Eighteen an’ de ole daisy hangs 
out an’ T’ree Twenty-Seven goes up on 
de three floor an’ tells her we’re waitin’ 
for her. She comes down, wid all her 
glad rags on an’ a red rose in her bon- 
net an’ sits in de back seat wid T’ree 
Twenty-Seven. I’m in front, playin’ 
coachman. Say, we drives de ole 
daisy all t’rough Lincoln Park an’ I 


i6o MESSENGER BOY 


blows her off to de ice cream sody an* 
it’s near 6 o’clock when we lands her 
back home. We didn’t t’ink dat de 
guy what rented dat livery rig’d care 
about a couple or free hours more. 

“When T’ree Twenty-Seven helps de 
ole daisy out of de surrey she makes a 
spiel dat she’s much obliged for de de- 
lightful ride, which is de first she’s had 
in some time an’ she hopes me an’ 
T’ree Twenty-Seven’ 11 come an’ take 
dinner wid her on Sunday. ‘She’s 
always glad,’ she says, ‘to see friends 
of her dear grandson an’ she wishes 
dat her dear grandson didn’t have to 
work so hard,’ she says. ‘Dat he is so 
ambitious an’ sometimes his work 
keeps him out all night.’ 

“De trut’ was dat Four Eighteen has 
got on de bum so hard dat de manager 
had tied a can to him an’ give him a 
week to hunt another job. An’ he 
was stayin’ out nights wid a tough 
gang of kids, layin’ out on de govern- 
ment pier, chasin’ de can an’ shootin’ 


OLD WOMAN 


161 


de bones. But me an’ Tree Twenty- 
Seven never put de ole daisy wise to 
dat. What’s de use? 

“She says, ‘Won’t you young gentle- 
men come in an’ have a cup of tea an’ 
a cooky?’ she says, but we says we got 
to take de horse back to de man what 
ast us to exercise it. 

“Say, dat night Four Eighteen an’ 
his gang goes out on de pier an’ gits to 
chasin’ de can. Dey all gits sloppy 
an’ den Four Eighteen an’ another kid 
gits to chewin’ de rag an’ scrappin’. 
Four Eighteen falls in de drink an’ 
when de men on de fire boat gits him 
out it’s all off. Four Eighteen is a 
deader. Me an’ Tree Twenty-Seven 
goes over to put Four Eighteen’ s old 
woman wise. We must a’ looked scart 
for when she sees us she t’rows up bot’ 
hands an’ says, ‘Something has hap- 
pened to Charles’ — dat’s Four Eight- 
een’s handle 

“ ‘Yessum,’ I says, ‘dey is. It was 
like dis. Four Eighteen goes out on 



OLD WOMAN 


163 


de pier wid some more kids an’ two of 
de little kids falls in de deep water. 
When Four Eighteen sees dey can’t 
swim he jumps in to help 'em out. 
First he grabs one of de kids an’ drags 
him out on de pier. Den he jumps 
back in an’ de other kid grabs him by 
de neck an’ dey bot’ goes down. An’ 
den de fire boat comes an’ dey catch 
'em an’ pull ’em out still holdin’ each 
other around de neck. De kid dat 
Four Eighteen jumps in after, he 
comes to in a minute — ’ 

“ ‘An’ Charles,’ says de ole daisy. 

“ ‘Four Eighteen, he opens his 
lamps an’ he says, “I saved ’em,” he 
says, an’ den — ’ 

“ ‘My brave, brave boy,’ says de ole 
daisy. ‘He died like a hero,’ she says. 
An’ den she showed she was a thor- 
oughbred. She was game. She stood 
de gaff an’ never let out a whimper. 

“ ‘Tell ’em to bring him here,’ she 
says. ‘He died like a hero,’ she says. 

“Me an’ T’ree Twenty-Seven was all 


164 MESSENGER BOY 


stuffed up in de pipes when we gits 
through stringin’ Four Eighteen’ s ole 
woman. But say, what’s de use tellin’ 
her de trut’? If we makes a true spiel 
an’ tells her dat Four Eighteen’s been 
out hittin’ de booze all night an’ jes’ 
gits sloppy an’ tips over in de drink 
she’d never git over it. Now she t’inks 
dat he’s a regaler Jesse James or Fred 
Funston an’ dat’s all right. We puts 
de cops wise an’ de coroner an’ she 
never did get onto Four Eighteen’s 
curves. 

“After dey planted Four Eighteen 
me an’ T’ree Twenty-Seven gits up a 
purse for Four Eighteen’s ole woman. 
We makes a hot touch on every kid at 
I 6 offis an’ de manager puts in a 
couple of bucks. Altogether we had 
sixteen, forty - two. Me an’ T’ree 
Twenty-Seven goes around and hands 
it to de ole woman an’ T’ree Twenty- 
Seven says: ‘Here is some dough dat 
Four Eighteen lends to de other kids 
an’ now dey is payin’ it back,’ he says. 


OLD WOMAN 


165 

'Four Eighteen was always lendin’ 
coin to de other kids,’ he says, ‘an’ 
dey is some more’ll be due in a week 
or two,’ he says. 

“De ole daisy she takes de coin an’ 
she says, ‘Dear Charles,’ she says, ‘He 
was as generous as he was brave,’ she 
says. 

“Me an’ T’ree Twenty -Seven is 
thinkin’ how Four Eighteen used to 
win de kid’s coin wid de bones an’ 
how he’d lick de little kids to make 
’em loan him dere coin to play policy 
wid. But we ain’t ever goin’ to put 
Four Eighteen’s old woman wise to 
dat. She t’inkin’ still dat Four 
Eighteen was de hottest baby what 
ever come down de pike.” 







ONE FORTY-TWO GOES TO 
THE DERBY 


“You’re wise to dat swell guy what 
me an’ T’ree Twenty-Seven helps to 
cop out de nort’ side daisy after her 
old man tries to give him de icy mitt? 
After de preacher makes his spiel an’ 
he gives his new missus a smack on de 
kisser he says to me: ‘Kid,’ he says, 
‘you’re my friend, an’ when I can do 
you a good turn,’ he says, ‘you whistle 
an’ I’ll be Johnny-on-de-spot,’ he says. 
‘Any time you want to t’row de hooks 
into anybody,’ he says, ‘you gimme de 
tip an’ dey’ll be two of us handin’ him 
hot ones. An’ if you git broke,’ he 
says, ‘you come to me an’ I’ll stake 
you,’ he says. ‘You an’ me is pard- 
ners,’ he says, ‘an’ here’s my mitt.' 

“He puts up such a strong game of 
talk dat I sizes him up for a four-flush. 

167 


1 68 MESSENGER BOY 


'Dis guy is pumpin’ me full of hot air, 

I says to myself, ‘an’ when it comes to 
a showdown it’ll be me for de pot an’ 
him wid cold feet swearin’ dat he never 
seen me before in his life.’ 

“But say, I fell down on dat guy. 
He was on de square. It was him 
gimme de knock down to de guy what 
took me out to de Derby. Say, dat 
was a queer deal. An’ I wins out two 
hundurd bucks for my pardner, wid him 
backin’ de wrong horse. It was like 
dis: 

“De day before de Derby my pardner 
telephomes over to I 6 offis an’ says: 
‘Send One Forty Two over to my offis 
right away, 5 he says. I goes over an’ 
him an’ another swell guy is sittin’ 
dere. He gives me a knock down to 
Mister Cream Puff Highcollar, an’ den 
he says: ‘One Forty-Two, how you 
goin’ to de Derby?’ he says. 

“ ‘I guess nit,’ I says. ‘De man- 
ager’s wise to all us smood kids,’ I 
says, ‘an’ he says he won’t let none of 


GOES TO THE DERBY 169 

us off. Dat we kilt off all of our rela- 
tions on de days de White Sox was 
playin’ ball over on de west side an’ 
we got to stay in de offis an’ do busi- 
ness on Derby day/ he says. 

“Last Derby day six of us kids got 
T’ree Twenty-Seven’s father’s express 
wagon for a coachin’ party. Four of 
de kids gits into grain sacks wid de tops 
tied shut, an’ me an’ T’ree Twenty 
Seven drives up to de gate out to de 
track an’ gives de big Turk on de gate 
a hot spiel dat we’re bringin’ some 
special oats for Lootenant Gibson, an’ 
he passes us in. Two of de kids is half 
croaked because we forgot to leave any 
breathin’ holes in de grain sacks, but 
we sees de Derby jest de same. But 
dis year we’re up against de real t’ing,’ 
I says. ‘De manager won’t take de 
con an’ we got to stay home an’ buy 
pools at de pie foundry across de street 
from I 6 offis, where de night hash 
slinger is makin’ books for us kids.’ 

“ ' One Forty-Two,’ says Mister 


i7o MESSENGER BOY 


Cream Puff Highcollar, ‘we’re goin’ 
out to de Derby on a coach,’ he says, 
‘an’ we’d like you to go along,’ he 
says, ‘for to be our bettin’ commis- 
sioner,’ he says, ‘an’ carry our dough 
over into de bettin’ ring,’ he says. 
‘Me an’ your pardner,’ he says, ‘don’t 
want to git our shirts tore in de crush,’ 
he says, ‘an’ we’ll give you two bucks 
for to do de work for us,’ he says. 

“ ‘All right,’ I says, ‘I’m wid you, 
an’ when I starts down de line wid a 
roll of bills in my mitt,’ I says, ‘I’ll 
make dose cheap lobsters and $2 shoe- 
string pikers t’ink dat Pittsburg Phil is 
on de way,’ I says. 

“Den Mr. Cream Puff Highcollar 
laughs an’ says he’s got to go keep a 
date, an’ I stays for a minute to chew 
de rag wid my pardner. 

“ ‘Dat guy is all right,’ my pardner 
says, when Mister Highcollar goes 
out,’ even if he does wear creases in his 
pants. He ain’t no cheap skate,’ he 
says, ‘an’ dis is his own coach dat 


GOES TO THE DERBY 17 


we’re all goin out to de Derby on. 
He’s stuck on a swell daisy what’s 
goin’ wid us,’ my pardner says, ‘an’ 
dere’s a guy from New York what’s 
tryin’ to cut him out. He’s goin’ out 
wid us, too.’ 

“ ‘He must be a sucker,’ I says, ‘to 
ask de guy what’s tryin’ to win his 
daisy to go out wid him,’ I says. 

“ ‘Dat’s politeness,’ my pardner 
says, ‘what makes him do dat.’ 

“ ‘Well, if I’m goin’ to take my 
daisy to de Derby,’ I says, ‘an’ any guy 
tries to cut in,’ I says, ‘I’d mix it up 
wid him an’ start a rough house. I’d 
swat him a biff in de slats,’ I says. 
'Dat’s de kind of politeness I’d give a 
guy what was tryin’ to cop my daisy. 
Now,’ I says, ‘we got to frame it up to 
beat de Derby game an’ help Mister 
Highcollar give de slob from New 
York de double cross. ’Cause you say 
he’s a good feller an’ dat goes.’ 

“Well, about noon on Derby day I 
goes over to my pardner’ s offis an’ him 


172 MESSENGER BOY 


an’ me takes a cab down to de avenoo 
where de gang what’s goin’ out on our 
coach is feedin’ dere face. Mister 
Highcollar’s daisy in a bunch of pink 
an’ white glad rags climbs up on top of 
de coach an’ de guy from New York 
gits busy an’ sits next to her. Mister 
Highcollar an’ my pardner an’ me gits 
on de driver’s seat an’ dere’s some 
more daisies an’ swell guys fills up de 
rest of de pews. Den we’re all set an’ 
de Turk behind spiels on de cornet an’ 
we goes down de avenoo so fast you 
couldn’t see us for de dust. 

“Say, we was de hottest t’ing in de 
Derby day bunch. We makes all de 
other outfits look like nort’ side car- 
ettes an’ dump wagons. We goes 
swinging across de track an’ Mister 
Highcollar pulls up de four horses 
close to de rail^ on de inside an’ dere 
we was. 

“De slob from New York was keepin’ 
busy an’ fillin’ Mister Highcollar’s 
daisy wid hot air. 


GOES TO THE DERBY 173 


“ ‘Dere,’ he’d say, duckin’ his nut to 
a daisy over on de club house porch, 
‘dere is my dear friend, Miss Vangas- 
torbilt of New York,’ he’d say. ‘When 
I seen her last Friday she didn’t t’ink 
she’d be able to come. An’ dere,’ 
he’d say, pointin’ to a guy in de pad- 
dock, ‘if I didn’t know he was in New 
York I’d be sure dat guy was my old 
college chum, “Bill” Whitney,’ he’d 
say. ‘I wonder if Chaunce got out?’ 
he’d say. 

“I knows dat game of talk’d win any 
daisy if dey ain’t somethin’ done to 
stop it, an’ I make up my mind I better 
git busy, so when I comes back from 
puttin’ a few on de first race I says to 
de New York guy, ‘Excuse me,’ I 
says, ‘but dere is a guy over dere in de 
paddock,’ I says, ‘wid a silk hat on,’ I 
says, ‘an’ he's got three eyes,’ I says, 
‘what wants to see you about one of 
dese eastern horses what is goln’ to win 
de Derby,’ I says. 

“ ‘Pardon me,’ says de New York 


174 MESSENGER BOY 


guy to de daisy, Til be back in a min- 
ute,’ he says. ‘I suppose Clarence 
Mackey wants to see me,’ he says. 
‘I’ll be back in a minute,’ he says. 

“ ‘You will nit,’ I says to myself. 
Den I touches my cap to him an’ says, 
‘Dis way, sir,’ I says. 

“I takes him into de paddock an’ 
den I points into de bettin’ ring an’ I 
says, ‘Dere he goes now,’ I says. ‘Jest 
come dis way, sir,’ I says. I gits him 
into de bettin’ ring jest as de bookies 
begin to write up de odds on de Derby. 
Dat’s what about six t’ousand lobsters 
is waitin’ for, an’ when dey seen de 
odds go up they make a rush for de 
bookies. De New York guy gits 
caught in de middle of it. Some big 
slob from de west side tears de collar 
off his Princy-de-Albert coat an’ his 
silk dicer goes down in de mud. A 
piker from Oshkosh gits de strangle 
hold on him wid a dirty mitt an’ pulls 
his white necktie around till it’s 
hangin’ down his back. Five speke- 



“De New York guy in de middle of it.’ 
175 


176 MESSENGER BOY 


laturs wid two bucks apiece to bet on 
Six Shooter plays leap frog over him 
to reach de bookies before de world 
comes to an end, an’ a little coon 
stable boy what I pays a dime to, lets 
him have a dirty sponge on his white 
vest. Course I was lost in de shuffle, 
an’ I goes back to de coach an’ says, 
‘Your friend left me in de crowd,’ I 
says, ‘an’ he didn’t say whether he was 
cornin’ back or not,’ I says. 

“By dis time Mister Cream Puff 
Highcollar was sittin’ up wid de daisy, 
an’ my pardner looks at me an’ says 
low, so’s none of the others hears it, 
‘What you been doin’ to him, you little 
devil?’ 

“Den he gives me two hundurd 
bucks for to put on His Eminence to 
win de Derby. I starts back for de 
bettin’ ring an’ de first t’ing I seen in 
de paddock was de kid what used to be 
Eight Thirteen over to I 6 offis." 

“ ‘Hello, One Forty-Two,’ he says, 
an’ I says, ‘Hullo, what you doin’ here?’ 


GOES TO THE DERBY 177 

“ Tm a jock,’ he says, ‘but I ain’t 
goin’ to ride in dis race,’ he says. 
‘Come wid me an’ I’ll show you de 
winner, dough,’ he says. He takes me 
over to de stables an’ shows me t’ree 
or four horses what are in his string an’ 
den he say, ‘You’re wise to dat time I 
was singin’ soprano in dat church 
choir? My voice changed an’ dey tied 
a can to me an’ my old man says I’m 
such a puny little cuss dat it’ll be hard 
work for me to git another job. But I 
gits next to de horses an’ now I’m 
makin’ more money in a mont’ dan he 
ever saw in his life.’ 

“ ‘Dat was such a hot game of talk 
dat de kid gimme dat de first t’ing I 
knew forty t’ousand people is yellin’ 
dey’ re off, an’ den I remembers dat 
two hundurd bones what I hadn’t bet 
on His Eminence yet like my pardner 
told me to. I screws back to be bet- 
tin’ ring, but de bookies is all hangin’ 
over de rail by dere toes an’ I can’t git 
de money down. Den, in a minute or 



GOES TO THE DERBY 179 


two de horses come runnin’ in home 
under de wire, an’ I sees dat His Emi- 
nence was a also ran. So I carries de 
bundle back to my pardner an 1 hands 
it up to him an’ says, ‘Here is dat two 
hundurd bucks what you told me to bet 
on His Eminence,’ I says. 'I knows 
he’s a dead one an’ I holds it out on 
you,’ 1 says. 

“Dey can’t beat you, One Forty- 
Two,’ says my pardner, ‘at any stage 
of de game,’ he says. ‘Did you see 
our friend from New York,' he says. 

“ ‘I’m afraid he got his pants mussed 
by dem rude boys in de bettin’ ring,’ I 
says. ‘An’ I expect he’s screwed his 
nut downtown to git some clean 
clothes,’ I says. ‘I don’t guess he’ll 
be back dis afternoon,’ I says.’* 






ONE FORTY-TWO ON CHARITY 


One Forty-Two was seen squinting 
into the slot in the top of one of the 
children’s charity globes, and I accused 
him of dropping in a dime. 

“G’wan,” he said. “If I want to 
chip into dat game dat’s my biz, see? 
You must t’ink I’m one of dose cheap 
guys what wants dere name and picter 
in de papers because dey put two 
bucks in de Associated Charities jack- 
pot year before last. Dat de same kind 
of a guy what takes de whole fambly 
down to see de crippled up kids what 
he gives five dollars to found a home 
for. Den if dey is some strangers 
around so it’s wort’ while to make a 
play he’ll go to de bat an’ toss off a 
few like dis: 

“ ‘Dis here is my favorite charity. 
Dis hits me where I live. See de poor 
181 


1 82 MESEENGER BOY 


little crippled-up slum children, Har- 
old,’ he says to his own kid. 

“Harold, he’s a little sawed-off kid 
widout meat enough on his slats to 
make a life-sized kid pick his teet’. 
He looks down at de cripples wid dere 
busted fins and bad stilts. Den he 
takes another bite of his cream-puff. 

“ ‘Puppah,’ he says, ‘I’m tired of 
lookin’ at de poor little slum children. 
Let’s go an’ look at de hyenas for a 
while.’ 

“A lot of de guys what have a bunch 
of coin dey want to split up make me 
tired. Dey mean well, but dere work 
is too coarse. Dey git a sign painted 
an’ hang it up readin’ ‘Gran’ Free 
Charity Picnic for de Destitoot an’ 
Depraved of de Slums. Come in an’ 
prove dat yure it an’ git a ticket.’ 
Dat’s a nice invite, ain’t it? T’inkof 
yure old woman takin’ you when you 
was a kid to a picnic wid a name like 
dat to it. S’ pose a kid goes in where 
it says, 'Come an’ get a ticket.’ De 


ON CHARITY 


183 


big guy at de desk looks at you an’ 
says, ‘How do I know ye’re destitoot?’ 
he says. ‘Mebbe,’ he says, ‘ye’re Jay 
Peerpunt in disguise.’ ‘Search me,’ 
you say, an’ he digs up de eight cents 
you got put away in ye’re sock for to 
buy sinkers and one in de dark wid, 
an’ den he says, ‘Ye’re a n’ imposter,’ 
he says. ‘You have coin an’ a picnic 
would on’y corrupt you,’ he says. 
‘Besides,’ he says, ‘how do I know dat 
ye’re depraved?’ he says. ‘Mebbe 
ye’re half way decent, an’ are imposin’ 
on us in a shameless manner,’ he says. 
Den if you can make de guy t’ink dat 
you ought to be in de reform school an 
dat it’s a sinche you’ll be hanged in a 
few years, he says, ‘What district do 
you live in?’ You put him wise to de 
street number an’ he says, ‘G’wan now, 
ye’re on’y wastin’ my time. You live 
in de eighteen district, an’ dis is a 
nineteen district picnic. On’y kids 
what live on de other side of de street 
from you can go to dis picnic,’ he 


184 MESSENGER BOY 


says. ‘You must go an’ make a date 
wid ye’re own district superintendent,’ 
he says. 

“It’s bad enough to be broke widout 
havin’ to swear to it, an’ when a guy 
wants to hand you de price of a quick 
lunch at a pie foundry dey ain’t no 
reason why he should make you turn 
ye’re gizzard inside out to prove dat 
you ain’t had nothin’ to eat for twenty- 
four hours. 

“Dere was a guy oncet dat opens up 
a ‘Mission for Messenger Boys.’ Me 
an’ T’ree Twenty-Seven goes over one 
night to see whether or not de guy is 
four-flushin’ or is on de square. 

“ ‘I’ll bet he’s a four flush,’ says 
T’ree Twenty - Seven. ‘Else he 
wouldn’t call his new joint no mission. 
Dat means dat us kids is heathens an’ 
if we don’t sit in his game we can’t 
draw no cards in de big jackpot.’ 

“Anyhow, me an’ T’ree Twenty- 
Seven goes over an’ de guy gives us a 
bunch of hot air about ‘helpin’ one 


ON CHARITY 


185 


anudder.’ ‘Each of us,’ says de guy, 
‘ought to help de odders. Even if it 
isn’t easy we ought to do it. Dat’s 
what de big dope book says.’ 

“ ‘We’ll see whedder dat gazabo is 
on de square, oder nit,* says T’ree 
Twenty-Seven, an’ so we lays for him. 

“One aft we catches de guy drivin’ 
down de bullyvard wid two horses 
hitched up on de installment plan, one 
in front of de udder. He’s sittin’ up 
on a high seat wid a silk dicer on his 
nut an’ a Turk wid brass buttons on 
behind him, an’ T’ree Twenty-Seven 
goes out in de street an’ braces him. 

“ ‘How-de-do,’ says T’ree Twenty- 
Seven, ‘I got a messidge to deliver out 
on Thirty-six street,’ he says, 'an* if 
you’re goin’ out dat way I wish you’d 
give me a lift,’ he says. 'I kin ride up 
behind wid de Turk if you got a date 
wid a daisy,’ he says. 

“But de guy on de high seat gives 
T’ree Twenty-Seven de Lake Shore 
stare like he never seen him before, an’ 


1 86 MESSENGER BOY 



ON CHARITY 


187 

dc big Turk leans over an’ says, ‘Go 
chase yourself. Do you t’ink dis tan- 
dem is a delivery wagon?’ he says. 
But T’ree Twenty-Seven gives de guy 
de laugh an’ says, ‘I thought dat dope 
book you made such a hot spiel about 
de udder night says dat we ought to 
help one annudder on de way, an’ I 
was jest tryin’ to see if you was on de 
square, dat’s all.’ 

“But T’ree Twenty-Seven got it in 
de hat band one time when he tried to 
git gay de same way wid a ole daisy on 
de nort’ side what organized de Mes- 
senger Boys’ Anti-Cruelty to Animals 
Society. She give t’irtyof us kids a 
bid up to her house one night, an’ we 
keeps de date. She lives in a big four- 
story stone shack an’ a big Turk what’s 
dressed up like he was goin’ to a mas- 
querade ball opens de door for us. De 
ole daisy an’ t’ree more young ones, all 
in glad rags, gives us de glad hand an’ 
sets up de chockolut ice cream an’ de 
jell cake. Den de old daisy makes a 


1 88 MESSENGER BOY 


hot spiel about not tyin’ no cans to 
dogs’ tails an’ dat it wasn’t de proper 



“De ole daisy makes a hot spiel.” 


ON CHARITY 


189 


caper in polite sassiety any more to 
soak a cat’s tail in kerosene an’ set it 
on fire. Den we et some more ice 
cream an’ makes a sneak. We was 
goin’ by de alley behind de house when 
T’ree Twenty-Seven sees a little yel- 
low pup, hidin’ behind a garbage box. 
De pup had sore eyes an’ de mange. 
One of its front legs was broke an’ 
bleedin,’ an’ it looked like it jest been 
t’ rough a rough house on de levee. 

“ ‘Say,’ says T’ree Twenty-Seven, 
‘let’s catch dat pup an’ take it back to 
de ole daisy’s house. Den we’ll see 
whedder she’s a t’oroughbred or not. 
If she stands for dat pup, why she’s on 
de square an’ she gits my game. But 
I’m t’inkin’ she’ll give a crowholler 
an’ tell de big Turk to take it out to 
de woodshed an’ hit it wid de ax.’ 

“Now when T’ree Twenty-Seven is 
down to I 6 offis an’ has de uniform on 
he’ s T’ ree Twenty-Seven all right. But 
when he gits in citizen’s clothes he 
belongs to de Slim street gang, an’ all 


1 9 o MESSENGER BOY 

de kids calls him ‘Dirty Mitts Mike.’ 
Tree Twenty-Seven’s always been stuck 
on himself because he’s got de dirtiest 
mitts in I 6 offis. 

“Well, we catches de pup an’ goes 
back an’ rings de bell of de ole daisy’s 
house. She must ’a’ had her lamps to 
de front window for she opens de door 
herself an’ T’ree Twenty-Seven makes 
his spiel. 

“ ‘Say,’ he says, ‘we found dis little 
pup in de alley, an’ we remembered 
what you tole us about treatin’ ’em 
right, so brung it back here. It’s got 
sore eyes an’ de mange, an’ one of its 
legs is broke. It’s all over dirt an* 
blood,’ he says, ‘an’ I t’ink we better 
kill it,’ he says. 

“I’m t’ inkin’ dat game of talk ’ud 
hold de ole daisy for a while, but I 
wasn’t onto her curves den. She never 
batted a eye, but calls T’ree Twenty- 
Seven’s bluff in a minute. 

“ ‘Poor little dog,’ she says. ‘Bring 
it right in an’ lay it down on dis 


ON CHARITY 


191 

couch,’ she says. De couch was cov- 
ered wid pink an’ white silk flowers, 
but dat didn’t make no dif to de daisy. 

“Den she gits a white silk cushion 
an’ puts it under de pup’s head an’ 
sends de Turk for a wash basin an’ a 
sponge an’ towels. When dey comes 
in she says to T’ree Twenty-Seven, 
‘Now, Mister T’ree Twenty-Seven, you 
hold his head,’ she says, ‘so’s de poor 
little t’ing won’t snap while I’m 
washin’ him,’ she says. 

“T’ree Twenty-Seven gits dem dirty 
mitts of his in de lime light an’ us kids 
starts to snicker ’cause we seen dat he 
was up against it good an’ strong an’ 
plenty. 

“Den when de old daisy gits de pup 
all washed up, wid his busted fin tied 
up in a white cloth she sends de Turk 
for a saucer of milk an’ den hands 
T’ree Twenty-Seven a swat dat took his 
breat’. 

“Well, Mister T’ree Twenty-Seven,’ 
she says, ‘dat was a dirty job we done, 


192 MESSENGER BOY 


an’ if you’d like to wash your mitts,’ 
she says, 'James ’ 11 show you to de bat’ 
room,’ she says. 

“Den all us kids gives T’ree Twenty- 
Seven de merry ha-ha an’ passes reso- 
lutions sayin’ dat de ole daisy was 
dead game sport an’ no quitter, an’ dat 
she wouldn’t take a bluff even if she 
did spoil a sofy pillow, an’ dat we 
would swing on any kid dat didn’t treat 
a dog right after dat.” 


WHEN ONE FORTY-TWO 
PLAYED BURGLAR 


“I was de worst scart kid what ever 
tried to hold a cig between his teet’ 
widout droppin’ it. De rabbit come 
up in my neck an’ I was lookin’ for a 
hole to run into. I t’ought it was up 
to me, an’ I was gettin’ ready to cash 
in. Say, you’d a’ been scart your- 
self,” said One Forty-Two. "Will you 
loan a kid de price of two seats to de 
Frivolous French Fairies? T’anks. 

“Dis time I’m tellin’ you about was 
when de Long an’ de Short man was 
givin’ guys all over town de heart 
disease. Dere was annuder gazaboy 
out dat time what made a speciality of 
puttin’ bartenders an’ butchers on ice 
while he pinched de cash register, an’ 
de hull town was fuller of porch climb- 
ers, strong arm boys an’ dips dan a yel- 
193 


194 MESSENGER BOY 


low dog is of fleas. De papers was full 
of hot stuff about de ‘Carnival of Vice’ 
an’ de ‘Reign of Crime.’ Say, dose 
papers was somethin’ like good readin’ 
in dem days. A kid couldn’t hardly 
pick up one of ’em widout gettin’ next 
to somethin’ worth readin’. Nowa- 
days dey isn’t nothin’ in ’em but how 
to plant cream puffs an’ all about de 
lady finger trust. Say, dey don’t git a 
good double murder an’ suicide more’n 
oncet a month. De town is on de 
bum. 

“Well, dis time I’m tell in’ you about 
de papers was talkin’ a lot about de 
two big guys what done de porch 
climbin’ act in glad rags an’ took off 
dere silk dicers an’ says, ‘Please ex- 
cuse me,’ if a guy come in an’ catches 
’em goin’ t’ rough his trunk or bureau 
drawers. Dey was doin’ about free 
good jobs a week, an’ dere was a big 
reward out for catchin’ ’em. My 
friend, de Lute over to Central, puts 
me wise an’ tells me to keep my eyes 


PLAYED BURGLAR 195 

open for two tall guys wid low necked 
vests on an’ silk dicers. 

“ ‘You git next to dem two Turks, 
One Forty-Two,’ says de Lute, ‘an’ 
gimme de hot tip, an’ I’ll split de coin 
wid you. Dere’ll be more money in 
gittin’ your lamps on dem two blokes 
dan you’ll earn in ten years carryin’ 
mash notes,’ he says. 

“So me an’ T’ree Twenty-Seven goes 
around wid our lamps lit, pipin’ off 
every guy we seen in glad rags. T’ree 
Twenty-Seven most got canned — dat 
means de manager ties a can to a kid 
an’ tells him to go chase himself — for 
gettin’ two nort’ side cream puffs 
pinched on suspicion when dey was 
cornin’ home from a hot session. But 
de two grafters was too wise for me an’ 
de Lute. Dey keeps on porch climbin’ 
while de fambly’s feedin’ its face, an’ 
every few nights dey goes out an’ does 
a good job of burglary jest to show de 
coppers dey was good, all around men, 
what knowed all de branches of dere 


196 MESSENGER BOY 


biz. An’ de papers keeps on roastin’ 
de police an’ me an’ Tree Twenty- 
Seven gits worried about how we’re 
goin’ to hold de Lute’s job for him. 

“Den one mornin’ about one o’clock 
dere comes in a call from ‘Bill’ Hop- 
per’s joint down on Sout’ Clark. I 
goes down an’ de barkeep says, ‘De 
two gents in de back room wants de 
kid.’ I goes back an’ knocks at de 
door an’ a big guy in a dress suit gits 
up an’ opens it. 

“ ‘Call,’ I says. 

“ ‘Yes,’ says de big guy. 'Come in 
an’ set down.’ 

“Dere wasn’t no light in de room 
except what come over de petition, but 
I seen dey was annuder guy in a low 
necked vest dere beside de one what 
let me in. Dey bot’ had on shiny 
dicers, an’ one of ’em wears a big gray 
mustash. I was wise in a second dey 
was de blokes me an’ Tree Twenty- 
Seven an’ de Lute was lookin’ for. 

“ ‘Looks like a pretty smooth kid,’ 



“Come in an’ set down.” 197 


198 MESSENGER BOY 


says de guy wid de big mustash. 
‘Guess he’s about our size. Have a 
little drink, kid,’ he says to me. 

“ ‘Sure, says I, tryin’ to figure out 
how I’ll give de tip to de Lute. 
‘Gimme a whiskey,’ I says, t’ inkin’ 
I’d better be a sporty boy. 

“ ‘Say, kid,’ says de guy what let me 
in when I’d put away de booze, 'how’d 
you like to make a sawbuck?’ 

“ ‘Well, I guess yes,’ I says, 
'What’s de graft?’ 

“ 'We’ve got a little job on hand,’ he 
says, ‘what needs a little smooth kid 
work,’ he says. ‘Come along wid us 
in de cab, an’ you can make de ten 
bucks in a minute,’ he says, ‘an’ if you 
do it right dere may be more in it,’ he 
says. 

“By dis time I was t’inkin’ dat little 
Willie was up against a red hot stove. 
But I pushes back my eyes what was 
tryin’ to drop out on de table an’ says, 
'Go ahead,’ I says. ‘I’m game for any 
graft wid plenty of coin in it,’ I says. 


PLAYED BURGLAR 199 

“We goes out of de back door an’ 
dere is a cab standin’ dere. De guy 
wid de smooth face puts on a long 
green overcoat wid big buttons — de 
regaler cabbie’s national league uni- 
form — an’ me an’ de big mustash gits 
into de cab. Den we starts off an’ 
chases ourselves over de Rush street 
bridge. 

“ ‘It’s like dis,’ says de big mustash 
to me, ‘me an’ my friend here what’s 
drivin’ gits locked out of our paylayshul 
residence,’ he says, ‘an’ we wants to 
git in widout wakin’ up our wives,’ he 
says. ‘Our wives is strict wid us,’ he 
says, ‘an if we wakes ’em up dey might 
start a rough house,’ he says. ‘So we 
want a smooth little kid,’ he says, ‘to 
slip into de conservatory window,’ he 
says, ‘between de bars an’ unlock de 
front door. We had annudder kid over 
before we got you,’ he says, ‘but he 
was too fat to make it,’ he says. ‘Dey 
won’t nobody hurt you,’ he says, ‘for 
your Uncle Bill,’ he says, ‘will take 


200 MESSENGER BOY 


care of ’em wid dis little barker,’ he 
says, an’ he pulls out a gun what looks 
as big as de Spanish cannon up to Lin- 
coln Park. 

“By dis time I was dead wise I was 
on de right lay, an’ I wisht I wasn’t. 
But I see I got to be game or it would 
be all off wid me, so I says I’m good 
for de job, an’ in a minute de cab 
drives right up in front of de house 
where a ole guy lives what’s got more 
dough dan a wholesale pie foundry. 
Dere was a arc light blazin’ right dere 
on de corner, lightin’ up de whole 
front of de house, bright as day. No 
cop in de world ’ud pick out dat for a 
place for burglars to work, an’ dats 
what makes de play so strong. 

“De cab stops right dere at de big 
carved hitchin’ post, an’ me an’ de big 
mustash gits out an’ walks right up de 
big front steps. De cab’s on rubber 
wheels, an’ me an’ de big mustash both 
has on our sneak shoes. Even if a 
cop’s lookin’ he ain’t seein’ nothin* 


PLAYED BURGLAR 201 


but what was all regular. Den jest as 
we gits to de top of de steps de guy on 
de cab coughs to show dat de coast is 
clear an’ we steps off de stone steps on 
to de big ledge what runs under de 
conservatory windows. Dere are bars 
at de windows, but dey are so far apart 
dat a little kid can sneak t’rough. Big 
mustash gives me a leg up an’ says, 
‘De front door, remember. Turn to de 
right when you leave the conservatory 
an’ you can’t miss it. An’ don’t make 
a noise ’cause somethin’ might go off 
an’ hit you,’ he says. 

“I squeezes in between de bars an’ 
steps down into a big flower pot so’s 
not to make a racket. De door from 
de conservatory into de hall is open 
an’ I goes in dere. I’m so scart dat if 
my coat wasn’t buttoned on it would 
have shook off. But I was t’ inkin’ 
about how tickled de Lute would be to 
make de pinch, so I keeps my nerve. 
Dere is a light burnin’ in de hall an’ as 
I sneaks down to de front I sees de tele- 


202 MESSENGER BOY 


phome on de wall. It’s one of dem 
telephonies what you don’t have to 
ring, but you jest lift off de hook an’ 
den I says to myself, ‘It’ll be all off 
wid dose wise guys outside as soon as I 
can get connected up wid de Lute.’ 

“I goes to de front door an’ makes a 
bluff at tryin’ to unlock it. Den I 
whispers t’rough de keyhole to de big 
mustash an’ says, ‘Dere’s a bolt on 
here I can’t slip. It’s got some kind 
of patent latch on it,’ I says, ‘what I 
can’t work. I’m goin’ to try de back 
door,’ I says. ‘Go on around dere an’ 
I’ll git dat open.’ 

“Den I sneaks to de ’phome an’ gets 
hitched up to de Lute. I puts him 
wise to de big mustash an’ to de odder 
Turk drivin’ de cab wid de white 
horse. ‘Go ahead,’ says de Lute to 
me, ‘an’ keep ’em busy at de back 
door ’till I can get over dere. If we 
pull off dis pinch I’ll get you a job on 
de force.’ 

“I gets de big mustash at de back 



204 MESSENGER BOY 


door an’ chins him t’ rough de keyhole 
’till pretty soon I hears de snap of a 
gun outside an’ de Lute sayin, 'Trow 
up your mitts, you devil, or I’ll bore 
you.’ 

“Den dere was a little scufflin’ an* 
de Lute says, ‘One Forty-Two, can you 
git out?’ 

“I opens de back door an’ walks out 
on de porch an’ dere was de big mus- 
tash an’ de smooth face guy, bot’ of 
’em tied up wid de bracelets on an’ 
eight or ten fly bobs standin’ around. 
De big mustash looks at me an’ grins. 

‘I picks you out for a smart kid,’ 
he says, ‘but you’re smarter dan I 
t’ ought,’ he says. ‘When I git out of 
dis trick,’ he says, ‘I’ll hunt you up an’ 
put you next to a better graft dan 
stoolin’ for a fly copper.’ ” 
















































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NOV 14 I0O1 


OCTSS 190! 













LIBRARY OF CONGRESS 


□002E047^flA 



